Blasting the music through my air buds to drown out the storm listen to music to deal with daily life but when the sun gose down and my air buds die the silence takes its place.

I here every creak and groan of the house at night the trees leave dancing shadow marks on my wall the heavy silence it’s to much to bear

Then the thoughts rain down on me then the pain comes back with vengeance.

The memories they are to much the times of happiness when will I feel it again?

Things have changed and they keep on changin

Only difference is your not in my life anymore

Only thing is I stopped living for you.

Layin staring at the ceiling just watching the hours tick by Satan spilling thoughts in my head

God tellin me it’s ok and yet I can’t trust either

The heaviness won’t go away just cuz I feel safe

No that shattered glass in my soul it hurts to much to fix. So perhaps I’ll stay like this carrying

All this weight. I’m the strong one. I’m supposed to have it all togeather right?

Stop asking if I’m ok I closed that door a long time ago. I go through this all the time I don’t need your shoulder to cry on when iv been using my own.

Dad I still try to make you proud though all I do is disappoint your words hurt more than you know

All I ever wanted was your affection now all I got is your annoyed attention.

So when you talk in that stern voice I try to hold it together cuz soldiers don’t cry I exuse myself resorting to the robotic response of “Ok”

Then I go to my room or wherever I feel safe

Then the walls they just come down. You’ll never know do you? That I cry every other day at stupid words that shake my core

“You think this” or “you think that” “you need to fix” “you should be keeping up on this.”

Why the hell can’t I be a perfect son?

All the fear it runs out

All the worry

All the pain

All the sad

It always plays

In my mind

Until….

That familiar tune starts playing and it drowns it out

If you heard the things that I say to my bedroom ceiling

Would you have me commited for the things I'm feeling?

When I tell anybody else it only goes in circles

Sick of oversharing 'til my face gets purple

No one understands me like my bedroom ceiling

Oh, this is so messed up

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

Oh, let me spill my guts

With the only one that will never run

When I'm at my worst and I'm so ashamed

I open up and nobody stays

Oh no, am I that messed up?

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

If you heard the things that I say to my bedroom ceiling

You'd be more focused on fixing than who they're killing

Don't know why you cringe when I say I don't want to live

Four inch concrete listened better than you ever did

No one understands me like my bedroom ceiling

Oh, this is so messed up

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

Oh, let me spill my guts

With the only one that will never run

When I'm at my worst and I'm so ashamed

I open up and nobody stays

Oh no, am I that messed up?

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

Let me be alone

'Cause I've already found the perfect therapist

Hanging from my home

And nothing feels better than to cry like this

Let me be alone

'Cause I've already found the perfect therapist

Hanging from my home

And nothing feels better than to cry like this

Oh, this is so messed up

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

Oh, let me spill my guts

With the only one that will never run

When I'm at my worst and I'm so ashamed

I open up and nobody stays

Oh no, am I that messed up?

'Cause I trust this room more than anyone

All the fear of rejection and pain just fades away along as I have this place

I hate the fact that my parents stay the same same old arguments same old tempers never willing to change they say they support but I don’t belive it it’s why I’m. Still closeted and yet everytime I want to move out I-

This is a letter to the young me

The one that's six years old

That's full of hope, protected by what they don't know

Don't wish away a single second of being so naive

Too full of peace to be afraid of anything

If I could find that kid today

I'd build a time machine, just so I could say

Stop growing up and just slow down

Nothing's better than what you have now

'Cause someday you'll look back and say

That you were living in the good old days

Stay innocent 'cause you can't see

Life's so much harder than you once believed

You won't know it until it's too late

But you were living in the good old days

(Good old days)

This is a warning to a dumb kid

The one that's counting down

The days 'til they can get away from their hometown

Oh, don't you wish away the present

You don't know it's worth

'Cause the scenery you change won't make you happier

Long drives, light games and skipping class

Your heart will break when you look back

'Cause one day you went out to play and didn't know it was the last

Stop growing up and just slow down

Nothing's better than what you have now

'Cause someday you'll look back and say

That you were living in the good old days

Stay innocent 'cause you can't see

Life's so much harder than you once believed

You won't know it until it's too late

But you were living in the good old days

Bad blood, deep scars, things that traumatize

Wait here for you on the other side

Don't waste these sacred years

The grass ain't greener here

Memories that keep you awake at night

Self-doubt so strong, you'll be paralyzed

Don't waste these sacred years

The grass ain't greener here

If I could find that kid today, I'd say

Stop growing up and just slow down

Nothing's better than what you have now

'Cause someday you'll look back and say

That you were living in the good old days

Stay innocent 'cause you can't see

Life's so much harder than you once believed

You won't know it until it's too late

But you were living in the good old days

So I’ll keep holding on cuz it’s all I can do my fear of rejection is temporary my anxiety is just fear

Credit: 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬 “𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠.“ “𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬.“

𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫

𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫.𝐜𝐨𝐦