"George. Let me in, its Frank!"

I rushed to the door and opened it, expecting to see a drunk bafoon at the wrong address or something. Instead I opened the door to find a goose, standing on my door mat, looking up at me.

To my complete shock the goose talked, sounding like a haggard man in his 40s from New York City.

"George, I gotta talk to you man, let me in." Frank the goose said.

"Oh boy, what was in that tea I drank this morning?" I asked myself out loud.

"George, You're not tripping out, its me, Frank. Hell Im basically your neighbor, and im the only true friend you got right now!"

The goose waddled its way right past my legs and into my house. "Nice Place."

"Yeah... thanks?" Was all I could muster to say. I mean by god a GOOSE was TALKING!!!

"Alright George, I'm just going to come right out with it and give it to you straight. You have to get out of the city. Today. Like right now. We geese are packing up and moving out too. Im tellin' ya George, this is not a drill!"

"How the hell can you talk!?" Was all I could think to ask.

"Thats not important right now. What is; is that you need to get as far away from here as possible. Go somewhere without any trees, or the beach or something. They hate the beach."

Frank the goose waddled into the living room and found the old upright piano that had basically grown into being a part of the structure of the house at this point. He jumped up on the bench and then to my surprise reached its beak over to a half a pack of cigarettes I had sitting there and helped himself to one.

"Got a light?" Frank asked.

"Uhhh yeah... Didnt know you geese smoked." I admitted, fetching a lighter and lighting it for him.

"Well where the hell do you think all the cigarette butts in the park come from!? And empty liquer bottles." Frank Grinned. He blew out puffs of smoke from his beak and even managed to elegantly ash the cigarette into a nearby ashtray. Quite impressive for a bird. Maybe they weren't as dumb as I thought.

"Right, so here's the deal." Frank explained. "A few years back a laboratory was running some tests on squirrels. Us geese coulda told em it was a bad idea, but they wouldnt listen anyways. Well you see some of those squirrels got out... and they happened to be engineered to be smarter than some of the other squirrels. Well in the squirrel community, they basically became leaders of giant squirrel factions. But here's the important part George, because it pertains directly to us. A major squirrel war is about to erupt in this city! And by god if we dont get out of here we are going to get vaporized!"

I felt like bursting into hysterics laughing. The goose didnt seem amused at all. He looked downright petrified. I grabbed myself a cigarette and regarded the situation.

"You are saying, Mutant smart squirrels are about to have a war across my town?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What can a bunch of squirrels do to me? Ill just lock my door. Problem solved."

"George, They have nukes. The big explody kind. They both have them and they both intend to use them in this upcoming battle!"

"Nukes!? Squirrels with Nukes!? Come on this is so far-fetched."

Frank sighed. "I wish it were made up but Im tellin ya George, these squrrels mean buisness. They dont care who they take out along the way!"

"How can you know all this!? You live in that park across the street dont you!?"

"I do, and I hate to be the one to break your balls but humans are one of the dumbest animals on this planet. Theres a lot you dont know, George."

"Why are you helping me then?" George asked.

"Well because I like you, George." Frank said, Stubbing out his cigarette. "I see that you keep to yourself and that you're never causing problems out here. You even feed me bread in the park. Us geese, We dont like humans. But you're a pretty class act, George."

"Oh thanks I suppose." I said unsuringly. I didnt know how to take such a compliment coming from a talking goose.

"Alright, then we'd better get out of here if what you say is true." George said. "Ill just go warn the neighbor, old miss Netamier."

"NO!" Frank jumped off the piano bench and stomped his webbed feet on the floor. "You will do no such thing! We hate that old hag!"

"Alright alright."

"Tell no one!" Frank warned. "Just get your ass out of the city! And dont forget, if you do, ill find out about it. Ill come find you and peck your eyes out while you sleep? got it!? I got wings remember?"

"Yeah sure. Jeeze, I got it."

"Good!"