You’re a horrible person. I’d heard those words so many times, thrown at me sharply in so many different variations that the sentence had grown lost on me, the word or it’s meanings held no value to me. No matter the context, whether the person dishing the insult was old or young, man, woman or non-gender conforming, if I knew them all that well or not.

But somehow, when he’s the one saying it, tears of regret? Shame? Dissappointment? Brimming the corners of his dark eyes that held so much life in them as we stand in this room that held so many of our memories it was particularly sharp; it left a deep cut on my heart that would forever remain a scar. I continuously open my mouth, attempting to explain myself, beg him to stay but nothing comes out except a small, weak, choking sound.

My vision becomes a blur and the room behind me is no longer recognisable, it no longer holds the hope of salvation it did yesterday. The ugly beige walls stare at me, closing in, the Mahogany lined bed loses what little colour it had and the minuscule light the bedside lamps provided was dying at a rapid pace.

“Jack. .I-I’m **so **sorry”

I finally managed to release but he just jerks his head back, disbelieving and disgusted.

He had changed — improved and I was just a mistake he’d made along the way, one he was amputating from his life; when I was at my worst, he was there to hold me and when I felt like I’d brought nothing but misfortune to everyone around me he’d always sit with me and remind me of the light, the hope, the happiness I’d brought to _his _life_ _when_ he _was at his rock bottom.

Although, unlike me, he’d came back from it. He’d got his life together and had stayed with me out of what? Pity? Did he feel obligated? Feeling pathetic was nothing new to me but this — this was a new type of low even for me, the girl who had an abortion at 16 years old, the girl who was forced into rehab by her parents because she became an addict, the girl who has never had a job, a lover, friends. . . The only good thing in my life was Jack and I was clearly the only bad thing left in his because now he was leaving, like everything else.

I had nothing.