“Tonight will be our last sunset,” Killian’s lips murmur against mine. “After this, you’ll never see me again.”

I bury my head in his neck and cradle his arms in mine to hide the hot, fat tears rolling down my face. “I don’t understand why you have to go. We… we could still have it all. You know…” I sniff, stopping snot from dripping into my mouth. “The w-white picket fence, and the big house, and the kids.” My voice breaks on ‘kids.’

“I know, sunshine,” he whispers, kissing my head. “I’m so sorry. You know I don’t want to do this. But it’s what’s best for you. You don’t deserve me… or, what’s left of me, at least. If I could, I would give you all the pieces of my broken heart, because in truth, they never belonged to me. They were always yours. But you don’t understand. You will never understand.”

“How?” I demand, feeling a hint of anger. “How could you do this to me? I thought it was forever.” Killian brushes a tear off the apple of my cheek. “It was Stella and Killian. Killian and Stella. Or, it was supposed to be…”

“I’m sorry, Stel. It’s just…”

“What?” I spit, pulling away from his touch and immediately regretting it, feeling goosebumps ripple across my skin. “What’s so important that you have to break me like this? I thought… I thought you loved me.”

“Stella, stop,” he pleads, regret shining like stars in his eyes. “I do love you, which is why I have to do this. I’m protecting you, you see? I have to leave… all I’ll do is hurt you.”

“I don’t… I can’t…” Sadness pulses through me, sending tears gushing down my cheeks so quickly that it’s hard to breathe.

“Come here,” Killian whispers, so softly I can barely hear it. But I oblige, letting myself, a snotty, wet mess, to sink into his familiar arms.

Letting him embrace me one last time.

“You know, someday, I’m going to be up there. In the stars. I hope it won’t be soon, but you know, I’m just so amazing, God might not want to wait to meet me!” His joke goes right through me. I feel like a ghost. “You won’t be able to see me, but I’ll be watching you. When you miss me, you can just look up there and you’ll be looking right at me. Whoever you’re with… a husband, kids, I’ll always be there for you. No matter what. Cause I love you, Stel. I always have.”

I want to protest, tell him there will never be another guy, but when I try to, it comes out a meek gurgle because of the tears choking me.

He tilts my chin up, his beautiful eyes taking in all the angles of my face one last time. And he slowly wipes my tears away before he smashes his lips to mine, one last time.

It’s one of the sad kisses, lacking of all the electric passion that they used to overflow with. It’s silver clouds on a rainy day, waking up in the middle of the night, the eerie color of gravestones.

But most of all, it’s goodbye.

Killian whispers that word against me just before he pulls away, shedding a few tears of his own. He turns around, walking away from me. I want to call him back, but the words get stuck in my throat. Through the wind-whipped hair in my face, I can only just make out the silhouette of his beautiful body fading away into the sunset.

And just like that, I can feel my heart changing. It’s turning black, a stony, hard black, like a rock. The last thing I feel is all my emotions seeping out of me like a river, carrying the ability to love away from me on a permanent vacation.

That part of me is gone. And it’s never coming back.

***

The patio is a mess. Like usual, Andy’s grilling burgers. The kids are blowing bubbles and jumping rope, shrieking excitedly.

But I’m sitting by the fire, remembering those words he spoke to me twelve long years ago.

‘When you miss me, you can just look up there and you’ll be looking right at me. Whoever you’re with… a husband, kids, I’ll always be there for you. No matter what.’

So I do. I look up at the stars, and it’s almost like Killian’s smiling at me.

Almost.