It has always fascinated me how loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. You can be in the most crowded places and still feel like you’re the only human there. You can stand in the middle of Times Square, a thousand people rushing by, billboards calling your attention in every second and still feel the empty echo of nothingsness inside. At least that’s how I am feeling standing here right now. Looking up at some ad of Calvin Klein. What did I think coming to New York would do? Cure me? Inspire me?

I am a shell of myself. If our identity is our internal house, mine had surely crumbled to ruins. No job, as of yesterday no relationship or home and family - well… I guess the foundation of my house had always been shaky.

So here I am. Checked in to the cheapest hotel I could find and still not afford. Walking down these busy streets, looking for something. Maybe for pieces of remembrance of who I used to be before it all took a downhill. MOMA, my mind suddenly thought. Maybe I should head to the museum of modern art. The greek hall had always comforted me in some way with it’s tall ceiling. The light coming in through the roof bringing the pituresque statues to life. I could throw a coin into the fountain. I’ve never been supersticious but oh man could I need some luck right now.

I walk up 7th avenue and take a right, as my eyes cross a little sign on the sidewalk. “Feeling lost? Ready to be found?” It reads. Ugh, I thought, not one of those religious interventions again. So far I had successfully avoided these encounters in my 28 years of life. I don’t know what struck me but I paused a little too long. Well if I was completely honest, I was lost. And yes, I wanted to be found. Anything was better then where I was right now. What harm could it possibly do? Maybe they’ll even have some coffee and biscuits. Some company. I started walking into the direction of the sign. It led around the corner to a big black door. In big letters it said again “Feeling lost? Ready to be found?” As I was now more up close to the sign I realised I couldn’t see any reference to a church or organisation. There was only one more line below the big capital letters, written in a font so tiny you had to get really close to read it. “Museum of Truth. Only enter if you are ready to meet yourself”.

Meet myself?! What was that supposed to mean?! The door seemed a little dodgy in this side alley, but I couldn’t deny my curiosity. What was the worst that could happen? What else could I have to loose? With a shrug I opened to door and entered the corridor. It was dark but warmly lit. Carefully I started heading down.

“Mam” I suddenly here behind me. I turn around. A man pokes his head out of a window in the wall I must have walked right past. “Are you here for the museum of truth, mam?” He says with a polite, firm manner. “I.. I guess so” I reply a little unsure.

“Great, that will be 2$ please. You can spend 10 minutes inside. If you want to go again, that will be another 2$. Do you have cash?”

I only now register that he is standing in a little booth behind the wall. “Sure”, I snap out of my freeze and walk back over to him. “Here you go”, I smile warmly and hand him two one dollar notes.

“You are lucky, mam. It’s a slow day today, there is no queue. The museum is all yours.” He smirks at me. “Just follow the corridor and the doors will open for you. “Thanks”, I reply, quite surprised that this seems to actually be a museum and not some awkward holy circle. I look at my phone. Only one of four bars show up in the top corner. The connection doesn’t seem to be the best in here. But who would I want to connect to anyways.

I toss it back into the pocket of my jacket. I give him one last polite smile as I excuse myself and head on down the dimly lit hall.

I can see the door now. Also black, around the sides touched by the same warm, orangy light.

“Are you ready for the truth?” It says in big capital letters above. I shrug a little. Was this some kind quiz game or escape room. I had gone to one two years ago, I think, with…

okay, no, I won’t let my mind go there. Presence. Here. Now. New York City. Awkward museum on the side of the road. Oh heck, in the end I’ll at least have a good story to tell. I step closer and the automatic door opens.

I feel almost blind as the room appears infront of me. It’s completely white. I can’t tell where the light is coming from but it feels as if the walls are glowing. “Are you ready to meet yourself?” It says in big letters, this time printed on the floor. I still have no idea what that is supposed to mean. But I curiously step further into the room. In the middle appears a single white wall. Maybe 2x2m. Just a wall. Nothing else. Again big black letters grace the space. “If you are ready, slowing walk around the wall and face yourself.” I look uncomfortably to my left and right but I am completely on my own. No cameras visible. No sounds. Just me and the wall. Well, you are here now, I think to myself, as I slowly start walking towards and past the wall.

The other side looks similar. Only different letters. “Stand here” it says with an arrow pointing toward the ground. A big circle is marked on the ground. Usually any scenario like this would have already made me run for the hills. Call it desperate curiosity or resignation, but I truly no longer care much about what will happen to me. Can’t be worse than what I’ve done myself, can it?!

I step into the circle. My eyes are glued to the wall as it suddenly starts changing its surface. It looks as if the wallpaper is melting into a silvery liquid lake. Slowing the surface becomes clearer and clearer until I… a lump builds up in my throat and tears start springing to my eyes. I…

The wall has slowly transformed into a mirror of some sort. But not your ordinary mirror.

My heart feels as if it’s been clicked into a thousand volt line.

I am indeed…facing myself.