“Betts, Unit 12, this is Unit 12 we have a 10-57 Victor on Clark Ave. Repeat we have a 10-57 Victor on Clark Ave. vehicle a John Deere lawn mower green and yellow suspect Rusty—“

“10-9, 10-9 Frank, quit playing on the radio.”

“Unit 12, we have a 10-57 Victor turning off Clark Ave. on to Pablo Bianca Circle vehicle is a John Deere lawn mower green and yellow silver duct tape on left fender suspect Rusty Holscomb. Honest to God, Betts. Hey Stevo would you say that was a model 3500? Betts Officer Willis says it is a model 4000 John Deere Explorer.”

“It’s like being in the world’s best John Deere commercial,” Larry Bledsoe, Allocassia resident, South Florida Reporter.

“Betty Boop this is Unit 3 providing back up to Unit 12 to apprehend Holscomb. A number of cars, bicycles, and a juvenile on a scooter have joined in the pursuit.”

“What in the actual—“

“Language, language Betts. Officer Martinez and me are in a high speed pursuit here. These 4000 models can top six, seven miles easy. If Holscomb turns on to Route 330 we will deploy the spikes.”

“Joanne couldn’t you just pull over and run alongside?”

“At the intersection of Sawmill and Pablo Bianco a strange scene tonight. Allocassia police apprehend local man Rusty Holscomb on a skipped warrant after an extended unusual car chase. You may remember Holscomb from his daring escape last fall from police custody by climbing out of a public restroom and diving into alligator infested Mumford Swamp to avoid warrants. Locals and residents as far as Shriner’s Corner have gathered to witness the unusual case. Not since the escaped tiger Tinkerbell was located in a nail salon in LaHoya has our region come together in fellowship. This is Jamie Vaugh, WFLX.”

“The only thing better than seeing Rusty get Tased off that mower was if I could’ve seen Rusty tased to the Benny Hill theme.” — Malc Armstrong, Allocassia resident, South Florida Reporter.