I can't look at mirrors.

 Why?

 No, it is not because I'll melt or because I'm cursed. It is because I'll cry.

 I have been told I am beautiful my whole life, but how can I believe something I can't see?

 There are things that I love about myself, don't get me wrong. I like my side-profile and my lips; I have naturally straight teeth, which I _am_ grateful for, but these things can't outweigh the things I wish I had.

 I pass girls in the halls holding hands with a boy and I can't help but think, "I have big hands, why would anyone want to hold them?" I look at girls with skinny, hourglass bodies and I can't help but think, "I would give anything to look like them."

 One of these girls is a very good friend of mine named Olivia. She has every girls ideal body, is just beautiful in general, AND shes kind.

 I sat down across from her today with my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and began to eat it while she talked to me.

 I noticed that she hadn't eaten any food, so I asked her where it was, then she told me she skips lunch. I was confused.

 I asked her why, and she said, "I struggle to eat." This confused me further, why would anyone with her hourglass figure want to skip lunch? I asked her why again and she told me, "I don't talk about it much, but you've been my friend for a while now and I'm trying to be more open about it." I stayed silent allowing her to continue.

 "I have anorexia."

 She looked at my face, but I made sure not to change my expression so she knew I wasn't judging her.

 She broke eye contact, then continued, "it's a disorder that makes me obsess over my weight and body. When I look in the mirror, I'm not happy with what I see. Before you tell me I'm skinny, I've heard it all before; people tell me that I have the body they dream of having, but I dont understand why. I am not fishing for compliments, I _don't_ want them. I've already heard what everyone thinks of me. I guess my problem is that I don't _care_ what they think of me. _I'm_ not happy when _I_ look in the mirror. I've been getting better at maintaining my self image. But it's hard, you know? Before you worry, I know that I need to eat, and my mom has been helping me when I get home, but I haven't worked around to eating at school yet."

 She looked back up at me and said, "I'm sorry to kill the mood," and chuckled. I laughed too to ease the feeling, but then had to make a point clear.

 I grabbed her hand from the table and she looked at her hand, then at my face. "I hear you," I said. At the sound of those words she broke into tears and I walked around the table to hold her.

 "I understand what thats like," she looked up at me, confused. "I avoid mirrors," I clarify. "I don't like how I look, so I avoid them to perserve my confidence throughout the day," I said with a little chuckle to keep the hard topic light-hearted.

 Olivia looked back down and rested her tear soaked cheek on my arm.

 "Thank you for understanding," she said.

 "You don't have to do this alone, Olivia," I said, and to this she started crying again. She gripped my hand with her hand and I just held her while some moments passed.

 "How about this?" I said as I let go of her and faced her, "lets make a deal." She didn't say anything, allowing me to go on.

 "Every other day, share some of my lunch with me," she was going to protest, but I interrupted. "I'm not going to force you, Olivia. I just want you to know I'm here for you. I can't change how you look at yourself, although if I could I would, but I can do everything in my power to help how you respond to those thoughts." I stuck my hand out for to shake and said, "do we have a deal?"

 She looked at me for a moment with a look of confusion, gratitude, and skepticism. She looked down at my hand, then back up at me and said, "yes IF, and ONLY if, we go into the bathroom the same days I take your food, and you just talk; a stream from the mind, for 1 minute. AS you look at yourself in the mirror. You can be negative, but I want you to say at least 2 nice things about your physical appearance."

 I put my hand down, and she put hers out. "Do we have a deal?" she said.

 I smiled and shook her hand.

 From there it begun.

 Every monday, wednesday, and friday, I shared my lunch with her. At first it was slow. It began with just an apple slice, but by the end of the month she's been able to eat half of my sandwich AND apples! I'm beyond proud of her.

 After lunch every other day, we went into the bathroom, and I talked. In the beginning, it was hard, Olivia very quickly learned my insecurities and she kept having to remind me that I had to say a couple positive things. We were in there for 3 minutes before I could put to words 2 things I liked about myself.

 2 months later, I walked into the bathroom to perform the bi-daily ritual, when I walked in I felt a... peace?

 For the first time in maybe my whole life I said the words, "I look pretty today." Olivia walked up to me and hugged me. "I've been thinking the same thing about you everyday since I met you," she said. "I'm so happy you see it, too."

 Obviously I'm still insecure and look away from windows when I'm walking past them to avoid my reflection, out of habit, and yes I still look in the mirror and there are things I don't like about myself. Olivia also has some days where she'll go back to an apple slice instead of a sandwich half, but things are different now, and neither of us could have done it on our own.

 Those thoughts of comparison and criticism will never fully go away, but you _can_ change how you direct it.

 For me, it started with a girl that told me to look in the mirror, and start my brainflow by finishing the sentence, _"When I Look in the Mirror..."_