“TYLER GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” I scream as I attempt to catch him but I’m not quite quick enough. Wtf did I do wrong as a parent to end up in this situation? All I wanted was a nice day with my son at the butterfly garden but NO, just another day at the freak show I call my life. I love my son to death but could we just do one normal activity without showing off his piculiar lineage? Serves me right for having an orgy with those lizard aliens…I was worried all throughout the pregnancy that I would have to hide Tyler for his whole life because he’d come out with scales or a tail or some other unexplainable birth defect but to my surprise he looked just like any other human boy. Unfortunately he took after his fathers appetite…I should have known this was a bad idea but I had hoped he would see the pretty butterflies and marvel in their beauty like a normal child. Instead I’m chasing him through clusters of horrified parents watching me attempt to catch my 4 year old making an all you can eat buffet out of the butterfly sanctuary. Where did he go??? For a 4 year old he’s really fast, this isn’t the first time I’ve lost sight of him like this. Think Jenny think! My mind screams at me as I scan my surroundings for any sign of Tyler but that’s when I hear it. There’s gagging sounds coming from up ahead where I see rows of brightly colored flowers. I take off in a sprint towards the retching, oh no what if one of the butterflies was poisonous? Now I’m panicking, “Tyler?!?!? I call but get no response just the sound of more vomiting. Wait is that more than one person vomiting? My suspicions are confirmed when I round the corner and am greeted by my son with a mouth full of caterpillars surrounded by multiple sanctuary employees all vomiting as they watch Tyler scarf down an entire generation of butterflies. “TYLER!” I yell, fury dripping in my voice. This time Tyler actually takes a moment to look up from his feast and meets my gaze. “Spit them out!” I yell in a hushed tone through gritted teeth. “I’m terribly sorry, he’s got a learning disability. I’ll take him home I’m so so sorry.” The excuses pour out of me as I rush to Tyler and grab him by the arm yanking him towards the nearest exit. We need to get out of here before someone gives us a bill for all of this. As I drag Tyler to the car he stays facing the butterfly sanctuary not saying a word. As soon as I strap him in his car seat I get my seat and let out a deep sigh before resting my forehead on the steering wheel trying to compose myself. “Tyler,” I say as calmly as I can muster, “ we’ve talked about this. What have I said about eating bugs in front of people?” I turn to face him in the back seat, he’s looking down at his shoes not saying a word. “Tyler look at me, what have I told you about eating bugs in front of people? We’ve had this talk 100 times!” Tyler slowly raises his head to look at me, tears filling his eyes and running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry mommy.” He squeaks out. “I just got hungry and I’ve never seen so many in one place. I-I tried to be a good boy I really did,” is all he managed to get out before breaking into a sob. Crap, now you’ve done it Jenny. As mad as I am my heart breaks when he cry’s. It’s not his fault he’s different, it’s mine. I grab his hand and stroke it with my thumb “shhhhh, I’m sorry baby. Mommy didn’t mean to yell. You just scared me. I couldn’t find you, I thought I lost you.” Tyler’s trembling now as he chokes out “I wish I cou-could be a normal boy so you could be ha-happy.” My heart shatters like glass. “Baby no, I am happy I love you so much. I just want to keep you safe. That’s why I got upset, because I was worried when I couldn’t find you. I love you so much Ty please don’t cry.” Tyler cry’s even harder at this and I don’t know how much more my heart can take. “Do you want to sing the spider song?” I ask hopefully, “no…” Tyler answers but hes already steadied his breathing. “Theee itsy bitsy spiiiider climbed up the water spout,” come on Ty what’s the next part? I don’t remember.” I play coy, playfulness warming my tone. “ Out came the rain and washed the spider out.” he joins in quietly. “ out, came the sun and dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.” as we finish, Tyler has mostly stopped crying. “ How about when we get home I’ll let you have a few chocolate covered ants as a treat?” Tyler’s eyes light up, “really???” He asks, disbelief on his face, “chocolate before dinner????” I laugh and put the car in drive. “Sure buddy, it’s been a long day and we deserve a treat” he may be half reptile but he’s still a little boy. I pull out of the parking lot and start on the way home, Tyler is bobbing in his seat with excitement. Maybe next time we avoid activities with bugs, I think chuckling to myself.