How many times have we been here before? Struggling, pretending, breaking, and coming back together. No matter how many rounds of IVF, planning, and performing we end up in this same heartbreak. Maybe if I was different? Maybe if he was different?

The struggle remains.

I have always wished for a family. Dreamt of warm winters watching movies by the fire, cool summer spent by the lake watching the children swim. Of Christmases full of love and joy, where each year I would recognize how much the children have grown and reflect on the memories made.

Yet, here we are.

Perhaps fate is stronger than science, as though this has always been my destiny. Our love was once worthy of a baby, but as the heartbreaks continue I can tell it is bending. I can tell it is wavering, and I can’t help but wonder.. maybe if I was different? Maybe if he was different?

The struggle remains.