“I knew I would find you here.” A man says, breaking my concentration, causing me to gasp.

“Jesus! Nathan, you scared the crap out of me.” I exasperate, causing him to chuckle.

“When you need to shut out the rest of the world, you always come to this run-down playground. This is your safe haven.” Nathan comments with a smile, flaunting those perfect dimples.

The same dimples he has always had. He doesn’t say anything after that. He just sits on the swing next to mine. Just sitting here with him like this reminds me of old times. When the future was bright, and we still had things to hope for. Now, it seems like the things I want will always contradict what’s granted to me - Nathan included.

“I have to go,” I whisper, causing his blue eyes that mock seas and serenity to find mine. They remind me so much of the bluest ocean. One glance, and I feel like I am drowning in the essence of him. They have always mesmerized me since the day I met him in the third grade on this abandoned playground before the school shut down.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you about this anymore.” Nathan replies, causing my eyes to grow big with shock. Nathan only chuckles, and I can’t help but laugh as well. “I understand why you have to do this, Alex. I get it now.” He whispers out so lowly that I thought I imagined it for a second.

“The decision is easy,” I begin, pushing my feet off the ground, causing the swing to rock back and forth, “I know that I have to pursue this job opportunity. But the only reason why I would stay, the only thing that makes this decision so damn hard, is you. I don’t want to leave you. Regardless of what we are or aren’t right now.” I voice, fighting hard to keep my composure.

“You have spent your whole life taking care of other people. You protected your dad from himself when your mother died. You protected your older brother from drugs and going to jail.” Nathan says, watching me swing back and forth lightly. “You even protected me from being this wild, hot-headed boy who couldn’t open up.”

“You don’t count. You were my charity case.” I joke as a full-blown laugh escapes his mouth, and he begins to mimic me.

“Can I be selfish?” Nathan questions, turning his head away from me to focus on swinging.

“Sure.” I shrug.

“Do you ever think about- never mind,” Nathan nonchalantly says, “it’s stupid.” He whispers out.

“Yes.” I prevaricate, placing my feet on the ground to stop my motion. I know exactly what he was going to ask. I know him better than I know myself. “I think about what my life would be like if we never broke up.”

“It’s my fault, you know,” he whispers out, “I couldn’t see anything that alluded to a silver lining. I was pessimistic, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry about that Alex.”

“We both did crappy things to each other.” I reply as he starts swinging more vigorously. “Just remember that you are allowed to be happy.”

“Life was just so much simpler when we were younger,” Nathan shouts. When I turn to observe him, he is swinging incredibly high, “we wished for things, hoped, dreamed, and then one day everything changes. Every insecurity and fear suddenly has a monopoly over your mind.”

“It screams that we aren’t enough. It tells us that our dreams are too hard to accomplish.”

“Self-doubt.” He comments.

“Past traumas.” I spit out like the words were venom in my mouth.

“Selfish boyfriends who were scared to give their all to the person they love most in this entire world.” He sighs as my lips form a small smile.

I turn to look at him. He is causally swinging back and forth when one of the chains break, causing him to fall to the ground. I scream and rush over to find him laughing hysterically. His blue seas stare into mine, and just like that, I’m drowning in him again.

“Find the silver lining in this.” I tease as a smirk appears on his face.

“That’s simple.” Nathan hums as he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me into a blissful kiss. “Alex, you will always be my safe haven.” He voices, bringing his lips back to mine incandescently.