I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together by good intentions. Everything about me feels wrong and I have this nasty habit of hurting the ones I love. Not because I desire to see them in pain. But because sometimes I make the wrong choices.

My brain is at war with my heart. My feelings all jumbled and buzzing around my head like a swarm of hornets. I am afraid and I get angry and I am hurt easily. And when my emotions start buzzing I start acting wrong.

I am filled with guilt. The grief of losing people due to my own actions. My pain causing the pain of others. The ones I love the most are subjected to the poison of my tongue. My vicious fangs lashing out and grabbing hold whenever I’m afraid. I don’t mean to bite this way.

I’ve been hurt and abandoned and ruined my whole life. I’m like a dog who’s known nothing but the brutal hand of man.

I want desperately to be good. I love hard and with all of myself. I cling to the ones I love with fierce devotion. I give myself to them completely. I’d ruin my life for the ones I love. I’d stay up all night. I’d give my life. I’d let myself be an emotional punching bag just to be loved.

I’d do anything to take care of my love. But I think I love too hard. Too fiercely. I love with tooth and claw and I don’t know how to stop. How to I love gently? I want to love like a gentle deer and not a beaten dog.

All of my love is filled with good intentions, yet all I can see are flaws.