“You keep to yourself, I’ve noticed. Even before summer break you never tried to stand out, why?”

I sighed as I looked at his curious eyes, his hands tapping against his knee as he waited for an answer, an answer I couldn’t give.

“Because..” I trailed off, because what? Why do I keep to myself? “Because I just don’t like receiving attention, it makes me feel nervous.”

Why am I lying? I love attention, it’s the only thing I crave from my parents. Not love, not anything. Just affection. But what did I expect me to say?

I didn’t have a reason. I never did. I guess it was just..me.

I watched as he laid his entire body on the bed, his arms resting on the white crystal designed pillows

“What about you?” I asked before reposting my position on the bed, sitting in one place was the most uncomfortable thing in the world, other than being in the same room as a teacher that fucked you the entire summer break.

What a small world.

“Me? I guess I don’t want attention, it just comes to me” he paused, I could tell he was thinking about telling me a half truth, I would know, I just lied to him.

“The attention makes me anxious sometimes, I get nervous and then my Palms get sweaty” My mind drifted off somewhere

Anxiety, I relate to that. I get nervous too when presenting in front of other people, but I suppose it’s not exactly the same thing.

Though both of ours is social based.

“Does that answer your question baby?” He was so subtle with the nickname I almost didn’t notice it

Almost.

“Why do you call me that? I’m older than you” I quickly shot him a glare which made him chuckle

What was so funny?

“So are you telling me you want to call me baby?” He stopped laughing at me but had an annoying smirk plastered all over his face

“I—we—No!” I buried my face into a pillow, what was wrong with this guy? Why is he terrorizing me?

“Baby I was kidding” He tried to take the pillow away from my face but I held it even harder, I couldn’t let him see my face.

I didn’t want him to see me being vulnerable, I won’t let anyone see me like that. Ever again.

Sensing my sour mood, his hand ran through my silky hair, getting rid of any tangled bits.

“I won’t ever judge you, D.” His words were so sweet I genuinely considered giving up and letting him see my vulnerable expression

Again, almost.

He groaned and I felt him drag me down onto the bed, we laid in silence for a few moments before he spoke again

“I mean it, D. I’m not the kind to judge someone, especially not you.” I felt his voice trailing off and the room fell into a deep silence

He fell asleep.

I quickly removed the pillow from my face and sat up, staring at him, I ran my hand through his hair. Mimicking the way his hand ran through mine, not exactly the same but similar.

“I know” I whispered softly, not caring whether he was actually asleep or not. “But that’s why I can’t be with you, I’ve done things that I’m sure you’d hate me for.”

Or rather, let some things happen to me. I wasn’t a victim, I knew that. It was a mutual agreement, yeah I told him to stop when we were having sex, and yes I never said the word “yes” to him. I still let it happen

It was my fault and I’d have to take responsibility for it.

He let out a soft yawn, so silent that I almost missed it, before resting his head on my thighs

“I could never hate you, mon amour.” He then fell asleep a second time

Unlike his other, annoying yet loveable nicknames, I had absolutely no idea what that meant. But knowing him, it was probably something sweet.

I put two of my fingers on his nose bridge before squeezing it together, when I let go he let out a loud snore

He was truly asleep this time.