Standing in an open field.

Wearing black for the funeral I didn’t attend.

How can I say goodbye in a room full of strangers?

They’ll think I didn’t love you.

They’ll say I didn’t care.

But they will be wrong.

So I’ll stand in this field and wave goodbye.

Tears running down my face; how I wish you were here to wipe them away.

I look up at the gray sky.

It looks like a blank slate as if even God didn’t wish to paint.

How could He on a day like this?

I continue to gaze upward and close my eyes.

I feel the sun begin to shine.

And while there is still mist in the air from the rain, the warmth of the sun almost feels like your arms wrapped around me.

The beams shine upon my face and I can feel my tears fading.

I tell myself it is you wiping them away.

I stand in this open field.

Missing you.

Hating you for leaving me here alone.

Wishing I could kiss you one last time.

I think about your last days.

The pain, the uncertainty, the dreaded goodbyes.

I smile because I know your soul is now free.

But damn.

I miss you.