“Oh my gosh, my body aches! Where am I?” I asked myself, waking up on a cold concrete floor. I looked around to get my bearings, I was locked in a storage locker. In the locker there were three items, a bicycle tire, a Bible, and an old glass milk bottle with a note curled into it. Outside of the locker hung clothing in a clear plastic cleaner’s bag.

“Oh, no, no, no!” I remembered now. Last night was my bachelor party, and my wedding is, TODAY! “And that’s my tux hanging out there! Help! Help!” I screamed, rattling the cage. I was alone. “If I get out of here, I’m gonna kill those guys!”

“What time is it? When do I have to be at the church?” I thought to myself. “Oh, of course, they took my watch too!”

I needed to calm down and catch my breath. “There’s no way they’d leave me here, on my wedding day, with no way to get out.” I grabbed the milk bottle and slid out the note which was written with multi-colored crayons.

The note said:

“DUDE! Good morning! Welcome to your wedding day! Everything you need to get out, and make it to the church on time is right here in front of you. You can do this! You better hurry BRO, don’t leave your bride alone at the altar! GOOD LUCK!”

I crumpled the note and chucked it. “SHIT, HEADS!!!” I screamed, wrapping my fingers through the wire mesh. As I fumed, I looked down and saw the Bible, lying open with a single verse highlighted in yellow. “Oh, they think that they are SO funny!” I simmered, seeing what they had highlighted.

The verse was from Exodus:

During the night Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, “Up! Leave my people, you and the Israelites! Go, worship the LORD as you have requested.”

“Jerks! YES, I’d like to make my exodus, but what’s the combination to this stupid lock?”

“Let me think about this. Bible stories are given chapter and verse numbers, maybe that’s the combination. Let’s see, it’s Exodus chapter 12, verse 31. THAT’S IT! 12-31- …., OH SHIT, I need another number. It has to have something to do with Exodus, which is the second book of the Bible. Let’s give that a shot!”

I turned the knob on the combination lock, first to “2”, then left to “12”, then back right to “31”. CLICK! YES!!! I ran from the cage and ripped the plastic from the tuxedo. Hanging in front of the clothing was a gallon ziplock bag filled with wet wipes and another note:

“DUDE, CONGRATULATIONS! You made it! Use these to take a quick shower, you probably stink!”

“Very funny,” I growled, but after 122 wet wipes, I didn’t smell half bad.

My Apple Watch was in the pocket of my tux so I could figure out how to get to the chapel. “WHAT!” I was twelve miles from the church, and I had no cash or credit cards to hail a cab. At the end of the hallway, light was streaming around the edges of the door. Leaning up against the door was a bicycle, a pink one, with a pretty little basket on the handlebars filled with daisies. I grabbed it but it had no front tire! WHAT THE F…..”. That’s when I remembered the bicycle tire in my cage.

I quickly reattached the tire and off I went. As I pedaled, I heard a rattling sound and looked behind me to see that my buddies had even thought of tying strings, attached to tin cans, to the back of my bike. How thoughtful they were, “GRRRRR!” I kept pedaling.

I arrived at the church, covered in sweat, just as my bride was emerging from the white limo we rented. She was stunning! I put down the kick stand, stowed my bike, and ran to the back door of the church. My buddies were all anxiously keeping a look out for me. They roared with excitement as I entered the room and then I went and got married.

At the reception, my best man asked why I wasn’t more pissed off at all of them. I told him, “I’m too happy to be pissed off today. But just remember, I’m the first one of us to get married. When each of you gets married, YOU’RE DEAD!!!”

And then I took my bride’s hand and danced!