“….. and that’s why my wife divorced me,” sobbed the bearded man next to me. My nails dug into my palms as I tried not to react to his antics. First he ranted about the World Cup match, then it was about his dad throwing his sister out of the house when she came out, plus so many more strange topics. His one sided debate about deodorant was particularly sad.

It had been going on like this for 4 hours and 17 minutes, not that I was counting or anything. This man has absolutely no self respect, I thought coldly, desperately trying not to close my fingers around his throat. I would love to just squeeze and squeeze until the life left his bugged out eyes.

“I want my wife back. I loved being married. I had someone to cook and clean for me. It was amazing,” he sobbed, using my top to wipe his eyes and nose.

“Wait!!! I know what to do,” he exclaimed, realization dawning upon his face as his tears slowed to a standstill. He stood up and then knelt upon one knee.

“Ummmm….. shit. I don’t know your name. Oh, and I’m Jacques, by the way,” he said. I really hoped to never have to speak back to him, but here we go I guess.

“I’m Amberly,” I snarled back at him. Good God. I am so beyond done with this man.

“Perfect. Amberly, I know we just met and this is crazy, but here’s a ring. Marry me, maybe?”

The people around us started cheering and clapping. They actually expected me to say yes to this bastard.

“Fuck no,” I yelled before walking to the bathroom where I hid for the next 2 hours and 18 minutes.