he had a memory from when he was four, of a large, pale hand reaching for him from above. it drew closer and closer, its palm coming within millimeters of his nose, when everything went dark and he found himself unable to breathe. his mouth was open, yet no air entered or sound was emitted.

small spaces were a bit of an issue for him now—elevators were only necessary if he needed to climb more than five flights.

the next occasion had been at 12, when he’d been climbing the rope in gym during their tumbling unit. he was surprisingly adept at the activity, hands and legs finding a comfortable grip on the rope, and had gotten higher than any of his classmates. especially jerry, who’d clambered onto the rope and within five seconds flat fell straight on his butt.

“isaac, you can come down now! great job!” his gym teacher yelled from below, waving her clipboard at him. he looked up. there were still a few feet of rope left, the top most height marked by a black ribbon. he was currently at the red ribbon—the highest sixth graders were allowed to go.

he glanced down at his classmates. he saw jerry, arms crossed in fury that someone had actually beaten him in gym. usually he’d be strutting around, gloating about his unbeatable records in everyone’s faces, especially isaac’s.

he climbed.

“isaac, what are you doing? get down this instant!” his teacher yelled. a few of his classmates cheered him on. he ignored them all and kept pulling himself up. his thighs were beginning to burn. but he could do this. he would do this, and after he came back down he’d see jerry’s face of defeat at finally being beaten. it was only a little further, a few feet more and—

he fell.

one moment his hands had been gripping rope, and the next they had nothing between then but rope-less air. his eyelids shut, as if they couldn’t bear to be subjected to the sight of what was about to happen and his body curled in on itself, bracing for impact, and then, isaac assumed, death. yeah, he’d probably die from that height. his mom was always saying how underweight he was, that it looked like his bones could snap at any impact.

well, she wasn’t wrong, he did break a few bones. one had come dangerously close to piercing his left lung. it was a miracle he hadn’t died on impact, the doctor said. but all isaac could think about was not being able to laugh right in jerry’s smug face because he’d finally won.