“And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

***

He felt nothing.

Caleb felt nothing.

He didn’t feel anything when the guy scrambled off his and his girlfriend’s bed, a blanket wrapped around his torso .

He didn’t feel anything when he saw his girlfriend immediately put on a shirt as well, then underwear and pants. As she scrambled to his side.

He didn’t feel anything, as she started crying, begging for forgiveness.

He only sighed, and went into the joined bathroom.

He stood there for a while, staring at the floor tiles, before then deciding to take a shower.

He heard his girlfriend’s cries outside the door, her banging on the door for him to open it.

Once he finished, he wrapped a towel around his torso and walked out. She immediately stood up from the bed and went to his side.

He didn’t really hear anything she was saying. His head felt oddly silent. He calmly put his clothes on.

Her brown eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks were flushed. She looked so sad.

“Caleb, I’m so sorry,” he heard her sob.

He sat down on the bed, she didn’t sit down.

“I’m so so sorry, please forgive me.”

Her voice was annoying, it was loud and broken.

“Say something, scream at me. Please.”

She was sobbing. He didn’t feel anything. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one crying? Because his girlfriend cheated on him. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one screaming?

“I suppose one of us will have to leave,” his voice was low at first, but clear. “This is a shared apartment so both our names are in the lease. I don’t mind leaving, you can have the apartment.”

Then she kissed him. Her lips tasted salty, they tasted of regret.

He didn’t kiss her back, it was only her lips moving.

Eventually she stopped, when he didn’t respond.

“Caleb, I’m so, so sorry. Please. It won’t happen again, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

He gave her a small smile.

But he stood up, and started packing all of his clothes into a suitcase.

She stared crying more, unpacking all the clothes he packed. He didn’t grow angry or impatient with her.

Eventually she gave up as he just added more stuff in.

“Don’t leave,” she said to him.

Caleb had grabbed most of his belongings and essentials like toothbrush and chargers, his favorite pillow, his favorite book, his favorite cologne.

He left the rest to her. And he walked to the door.

She didn’t have any more tears left in her.

“Don’t leave,” she whispered.

They both stood at the door, she clung to his arm.

He leaned down, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered.

And he left. He closed the door behind him.

Curiously, salty tears ran down his cheek as the door closed.

And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past