An acrobat never falls.

An acrobat never faults.

An acrobat never missteps.

They are perfect.

As I feel the hot blaze of the fires beneath me, I tremble. My whole body feels as if it is inside a scorching oven but in reality I’m merely suspended in the air by 30 feet with roaring flames below me. I can not distinct which is worse. Either way I am cooked. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take one step. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take one step. Repeat. I try to imagine I’m just walking on a path. That rattles me more. The audience roars and rumbles all around me. I need peace to pursue my art form. This is not peace. One misstep and I’m fried. Quaking and shaking, I’m halfway there. The end is near and I can nearly shed a tear. Please let this hell end. The fires beneath me causes my face to sweat. The drips of water roll down my cheeks like rain in a hill. My face is drenched as if I had been face first in a pool. My hair is gelled higher than my hopes. I feel like I’m having a free face lift just from this pony tail that sits so high. My knees tremble. My heart races. “I’m nearly done,” I whisper to myself. This is more a wish than a reality. I hope I finish soon. My knees feel like jelly the closer I get. One sweat. Two sweat. I’m drenched. Losing all hope, I inhale and exhale deep. Take one step. Breathe in. I hold my breath. The blood feels like it’s rushing to my brain. Driving me insane. I am a tripeze artist. This is my art form. I was scouted by the most prestigious acrobatics company in the whole of the world. I’ve traveled. I’ve done this before. Why now? Why now can I not finish the tightrope? Why now after performing for ten years? Why now after I just gave birth to my first child? Why now does this seem more impossible than the word impossible.

It’s been ten minutes and I am five steps from the ending platform. I’m about eight steps in. The crowd are getting bored. Angrily, throwing popcorn and raising their fists. They chanted, “WHERE IS THE CIRCUS. WE WANT OUR MONEY. IM LOSING PRECIOUS TIME! WHERE IS THE CIRCUS. WE WANT OUT MONEY. IM LOSING PRECIOUS TIME!” My ears have fallen off by this point. Their shouts are meaningless and empty to me. If I am honest they are cooling me down with their breathe. I imagine Lilly standing on the end platform. She is cheering. “Mama! Mama! Go! Go! Mama! Mama! Go! Go!” Her smile is my saviour. My morale is boosted. Something clicks in my head. I’ve got this.

I step. So close to the end. Lilly’s arms await me. Wide and cheerful. I’m coming. My pace has picked up rather speedily. I’m rushing. I feel like I’m running. I am one step from the end. So close I can almost feel Lilly’s arms. My sweat turn into happy tears as I go to take the final step. CRASH! I scream. Hanging onto the tightrope with my left hand.

The platform just fell. Lilly crushed to a crisp. My partner in acrobatics enrolled by the flames. What point is there in hanging on? Everything happens for a reason. Does this show me that I should die? Acrobatics never felt like home anymore. This was my last show before I left. A job more suitable for a mother was what I wanted to pursue. But now my whole world crumbled and burnt in front of me. There is no hope or meaning in my life now. One finger after another I let go. The audience laughed and chirped thinking it was all part of the act. “Enjoy the show!” Those are my last words before I am cooked.

An acrobat doesn’t fall.

An acrobat doesn’t fault.

An acrobat doesn’t misstep.

Unless you are me.

One thing for sure, an acrobat always performs.