The voices in my head they messed with me , I was deep down in this dark depressing pit that I couldn’t see anything or anyone the same way I did and their words what they said just stuck in my brain making me feel worthless.

I wasn’t me , I was someone else who was not happy because who I turned into and was getting my anger on everyone around treating them differently like the demon in me was in control and determined to destroy everything I had..everything was different how I treat everyone but especially Soph and it made me sadder than ever.

I was supposed to stay in the city with her for a while before my classes start but what was in my head decided it’s time to go , I packed my stuff ,left a note and was about to head out when I saw her standing in front of the door with grocery bags in her hands.

“ hey where you going ?” She said getting in the apartment and putting the bags on the counter before seeing me with my luggage and the look in her eyes changed.

I never felt hesitant in my life ,wanting to say but scared too like I have never been .

“ I am leaving..

“ what ? …

“I … I need to leave …Soph “ I was trying to avoid looking at her eyes because I knew well enough I would not be able to tell her why.

“What do you mean by that ? You’re supposed to stay for a week right ?” She said with confusion in here face but as if she kind of knew what I meant.

“Yea but…I don’t feel like staying anymore… I was about to talk to you about it last night but didn’t get the chance to..

“ is there something I don’t know about ? You have been acting weirdly and I know part of it is because you’re mourning your friend but..

“ It is just I feel like I am too much to you at the moment .. maybe we should take a break I am making things worse and draining you..” I said feeling more words stuck in my throat whenever I remember what they said about me.

“ Draining me ? Are not we supposed to be together especially in these time ?”

“ I don’t think it’s gonna be a short time , I am too much to handle and … I am making tired and you deserve better Soph.. I… I need to leave” I said turning my head towards the door.

“ just like that ? You decide what’s better for me and just leave ?! I know what’s better for myself and I want you …” I couldn’t handle it , her tears falling down and her voice shaking.

“ you’re saying this to push me away so you don’t feel guilty..just let me be there for you ..”

“ no am not everyone is saying this can’t you see it in their faces ?!”

“ I don’t care Ash… it’s you and me in this relationship and not everyone ..not Rianna or Sasha or bels it’s you and me “

“ but.. “

“I love you ! you know that and I will talk to you if I felt anything …isn’t it what you always said ? Communication is the key and that’s what we always did ?

“ I…I love you too and that’s why I think I need sometime away to make myself better…I can’t be here and drag you to the darkness I am in too Soph .. I just can’t let it happen to you “

And I left with my heart wrenching and my tears rolling down my cheeks, I left her standing there telling me to stay and let her in…

I left her just as everyone told her I would one day .

I left my heart back because of some delusional thoughts and words of people who didn’t care much about me but maybe maybe it’s for the best