It was a small town, the type of place where everyone knew everyone. A place where news traveled around fast. In five minutes one thing could already be spread around. All the details. I normally didn’t notice or care, but now everyone’s treating me like I can’t cry. Like it was too painful and I’ve changed. Which it’s true I have changed. Or I feel like I have, but I definitely can cry.

“Elina,” it’s a girl from my earth science class, “I’m so sorry. Can I do anything?”

I close my eyes and turn around to face her.

“No thanks.”

She pulls me into a hug, “I don’t know what I would do if I were you. Living without your-“

“I’ve got to get home,” I cut her off, before she can finish her sentence.

She lets go of me, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Elina I mean your brother. He probably needs you. Your all he’s got.”

I nod and turn around, not knowing what to say.

“If you do need anything my door is always open!” She called after me.

I don’t reply I just keep walking.

Half way to my house I run into a group of girls. That I recognized from math.

“Hey,” the one with dark brown hair calls, “I just heard. I’m so sorry.”

She doesn’t sound like she cares at all about my life. I know for a fact that none of these girls do.

I try my best to smile, “Thanks.”

The girl standing next to her gives me a small shy smile. Her blonde hair is close to her shoulders it reminds me of-I stop that thought from finishing. There’s no need to add more to my pain.

“Was it a car accident?” The girl with dark hair ask.

I shut my eyes. What is wrong with that girl? Doesn’t she know that I just lost my family? Doesn’t she know anything about how I might be feeling?

“I don’t know go ask someone else. I’m sure they’ll know better than me.”

I run away, and I know they all watch me. I hear one of them say, “Why would you ask that? She just lost her parents!”

I’m too far away to hear the rest of the conversation but I don’t care.

I run until I reach my house. Austin’s waiting outside his back pack sitting on the ground next to him. He has his baseball hat on covering his face.

“Hey,” I sit down next to him. “Bad day?”

He leans his head against my shoulder, “Why is it always us, Elina.” I shook my head bring my arm around his shoulder, “It’s just the way everything turned out. If I could change it for you. I would.”

Austin takes his hat of and holds it in his hands. “I feel like I’m not a person.”

I nodded, feeling like he had it worse off then me. Everyone at school was treating him like he had died in the fire with mom and dad.

“Come on,” I said, grabbing his back pack and lifting him up. He placed his hat back on his head as I opened the front door.

The house was quiet, very quiet. I keep expecting mom to rush in. Her white apron on and her shoulder length brown sugar hair pulled back in a half pony tail.

“I feel like this isn’t our house anymore,” Austin sighed as he took his back pack from me.

We both stepped in at the same time the cool rush of the air conditioning making chills run down my back.

It took three months for them to fix our house after the fire. During that time we were living with our Moms best friend. Bonnie. She was going to move in with us next week. In the meantime we were trying to live off of the money she had given us for food. Not that I ever felt hungry anymore. I just ate because I was all Austin had left. And I wasn’t going to leave him.

Austin threw his back pack on the floor in our mud room. He kept his shoes on and grabbed his bike from his room. They still hadn’t fixed the garage so he kept his bike in the house. Mom would hate it but I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Even if it bothered me a little.

“When will you get back?” I asked kicking my shoes off and throwing my back pack next to his.

Austin shrugged, “Five Maybe six.”

I nodded, watching him leave. At least he was giving me a range. I decided for dinner I wouldn’t make anything. Austin always had cereal so I wasn’t going to waste the food on a whole meal.

After I finished my homework, I grabbed a small brown leather journal my parents had given me for my birthday. A week before. Before everything changed. I hadn’t written in it, ever. Maybe today is the day I should change that.

I open the leather cover and take a deep breath before writing.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’ve decided I’m not letting my life go to waste. Tomorrow I’m going to go to school and be me. The new me. When people ask how I am I’ll smile and say I’m fine thanks. And when I get through the day, I’m probably going to sit right here, next to my window and cry. I said I’d change but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget you. It doesn’t mean I’ll move on. Because I know I won’t, I’ll just get used to it. So this is me saying goodbye. It’s me trying to start over, to finish the life you gave me. I know it’s what you want me to do. And I promise you that I’ll never stop trying until I reach what I want. I will always love you.

Elina Pace