Organic free range eggs,18

bone broth for Sweetie

hot dogs

Natalie considered her list in self checkout line. Imagine having to cash yourself out and waiting in line to do it. She thumbed through the magazine racks. Who would have thunk it? Natalie thought, I remember when they had real cashiers and magazines. A fluffy ginger kitten hanging from a tree smiled up at her. It was a mindfulness journal.

Planner: New opportunities are just around the corner, dearie.

Randy used to call me that, Natalie said with a secret smile and she slipped the planner into her shopping bag.

“Too much salt. Are you figuring on killing me? Dr. Downey said I was supposed to be on a low sodium diet and you hear you come with devil food.”

“Ma you told me to get you hot dogs. You told me you need flavor,” Natalie called over her shoulder from the kitchen.

“This is why Timmy doesn’t visit. You don’t listen to no body.. You’re a mess Natty. Look at the place. I’m going to be on the news burnt to death in a fire. God save me. Sweetie get off the dining table before I smack your tail!”

“Timmy doesn’t visit because he’s a lazy asshole who doesn’t want to hear your bullcrap,” Natalie muttered opening a can of baked beans.

Planner: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

Bleach and pine tar, the Baptist Sunrise Health Center smelled bright and clean at least the lobby was. With a deep cleansing breath, Natalie tucked her kitten planner into her nursing bag. A few patients stared ahead blankly. Natalie’s dream was to be a nurse to help people. It was all she every wanted. Pine Sol, air freshener, adult diapers, she jotted down a list of grocery in her kitten planner.

Things had been tense. Ma took bad and needed round the clock care. Friends and close friend members all melted away when Ma’s care stretched from days to months. That meant late nights and doctor’s appointments. Most night she could turn her brain off to sleep. Each morning was a sternum rub and Natalie slept walked through each day

“Natalie no one is accusing you of any wrongdoing. Baptist Sunrise is a family and we stand behind our team members. Most facilities are phrasing out LPNsWe are just looking at the best fit, Natalie.”

“I know there is gossip. Women don’t like me. It’s not my fault. I didn’t hurt those people I don’t know why are we have had more codes during my shifts. Nobody can say I don’t do my best everyday,” Natalie said.

Her voice grew shrill. Nurse Supervisor McCall looked as if Natalie had a bad smell. McCall glanced down at her phone while Natalie sobbed. They couldn’t do this to her. No one could lie on her name and take away her dream. No, no. Hot angry tears spilled on Natalie’s scrubs. Handing Natalie a Kleenex, McCall made sympathetic noises.

“Natalie we know that you have a lot on your plate with your mother’s illness and we will feel you this adjustment makes sense,” McCall said kindly without looking up from her phone. My son is going away to college and I’m all over the place. So I understand. Believe me.”

Planner: They are always watching.

Damn straight. Natalie looked up from the kitten planner. She had written her new dialysis department schedule in the planner in purple ink. The other nurses stopped talking when Natalie walked into the treatment center. Pink faced Natalie made a beeline for the maintenance closet. Locked. She jiggled the door handle. Hot tears threatened as a giggly Sheila walked up behind Natalie and keyed in the passcode.

Rolling with a squeaky, the bucket of hot water and cleanser was unwieldy. Even through her mask her eyes stung twitching from the bitter chemicals. By the end of day, damp circles of sweat pooled under her arms and between her thighs. Chafed raw, Natalie climbed into her house just wanted to eat a sandwich, give Ma her pills, and go to sleep.

She handed Ma a store-bought Cobb salad. Natalie liked to make things from scratch. Mewing, Sweetie scratched at her tennis shoes. The house reeked of kitty litter and diaper pails. Something sticky leaked down the kitchen cabinet.

“I said I wanted a hot sausage not rabbit food,” Ma said shoving the bowl away, “What’s that smell? This is why you can keep a man. You’re messy.”

Planner: Be precise and just use a syringe.

Sleep drunk, Natalie poured the concentrated bleach into its measuring cup. She had Ma’s syringes in her pocket. The viscous liquid filled the syringe. Gently she tapped the plastic to get rid of air bubbles and then chuckled at herself. She replaced the cap.

“Good morning, beautiful. Remember if you find someone without a smile, give them on of yours,” Bradley said from his comfort chair.

Grey scant curls and coke bottle glasses, Mr. Bradley once a hearty man was melting away from chemotherapy but his charm was immortal. Checking his IV, Natalie bent beside him and inserted the filled syringe. Bradley watched Natalie’s bottom and winked at Mrs Shenkman in the next chair. Humming, she returned to wiping the hospital grade plastic furniture with hot disinfectant.

“Beautiful, I feel a chill. Did somebody open a door?”

“I have a nice warm blanket right here. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need any little thing. Mr. Bradley,” Natalie said, “I’m here to help you.”