I’m sorry I couldn’t love you then.

It had nothing to do with you. I think you’re the kind of person that shakes this world up and changes it for good. I’m sorry people constantly made you question yourself, question your worth so that you were always trying to impress and were crushed when you didn’t. I’m sorry the people that should have loved you the most didn’t. Especially me. I was the cruelest of all. I wanted you to feel shame about what you did when you were struggling because I couldn’t understand that the chaos you let ensue was some form of self harm for the hatred you felt towards yourself. You drank and you gave yourself away like a ticket to all the other lonely bidders. You looked for approval in everyone else but me. Couldn’t you see how much I needed it? But let us not forget you were light you were love and you were the center of many a universe. I’m sorry I let you forget that. You swore and you fought and you clawed through the dirty walls that raised you, and I am so proud of you. I’m sorry that I haven’t told you that enough. I’m sorry that the world beat you down and took advantage of the beauty that used to lead you through it. I’m sorry I have sit silently by while hatred became your new guide. Most of all I’m sorry I couldn’t love you.

I am trying my best now.

Hopefully the next time we write more praise and love will fuel the words.

Yours and mine alone together.