I think we need to talk.

I’m thinking of making a roast for dinner.

I’m being serious.

If you’re working late, I can wait for the weekend.

Please, I’m trying to tell you something.

I quite fancy roast, though.

You see the thing is, I’ve met someone else.

I can always reheat it when you come home.

And I know this is hard to hear.

Yes, I think I’ll cook a roast.

And I know you won’t want to listen.

I’ll just set the table for myself.

But I think we both know that we’ve been drifting apart for a long time now.

I’ll make you up a plate and leave it in the microwave.

And she makes me really happy.

All you’ll need to do is get your own cutlery from the drawer.

I want to spend my life with someone who makes me happy.

Fine, I’ll lay a place for you at the table, you’ll just have to heat up the plate.

And you haven’t made me happy for a very long time.

If you want to wake me to heat it up for you, I don’t mind.

So what I’m trying to say is that I’m leaving you.

I’ll see you when you get home from work, then.

I’ve packed all my things and hired a van.

Make sure you drive safe.

I’m leaving tonight.

Goodnight, darling.