Without giving too much away, why doesn't your employer allow you to move? It's post-2020, unless your role within the day to day operations is fully in-person or it's licensure, I don't think they have a hold on you. It's either licensure or they're being a dick.

If it's licensure, I wouldn't. The risk if you get caught is greater to you than it is to them. Don't do it.

If they're just being a dick, well, let's just say I'm real sorry to hear that your Grandma Sue won't be with us much longer. In fact, that's what you want to talk to your manager about tomorrow...

You come in wearing the same clothes as today, just a little more rumpled. You smell like alcohol (sorry, Dry January...ya tried) and your eyes are bloodshot. You explain that you got "the call" last night and your Grandma Sue—

Note, it is imperative that you keep calling her "Grandma Sue." If someone calls you out on having "run out of Grandmas later," you can always go back to "I always said it was 'Grandma Sue,'" and then make up a story about a favored neighbor or maiden aunt... your Grandma Sue doesn't have long to live. You pull out a photo don't be stupid, definitely go deep for the source. Start a fight on your FB Neighbors Page, and then peek someone from the mutuals of the dipshit that says the stupidest thing. Theirs are usually open.

(Not personal knowledge. I was a big fan of Catfish back in the day.)

Right, so you pull out the photo of a sweet bake-ya cookies lookin' gal and ask for a little time off. Like, a little more than the PTO you have, but maybe you could work something out where like, you're available while she's sleeping (and you hint that she's pretty much always sleeping...which boosts your argument that the moments you get are even more precious), so you could still be available to the company while you're not at doctors' appointments. And we know what doctor's appointments are...interviews!!

Why interviews? Because you, my friend, are moving to NYC and finding yourself a brand new job! One that allows you to work where you want to work for people who support you doing it! Now, here's the extraction plan...

Don't even start looking for a job for at least a week, week and a half or so. This will come up later.

Be attentive but slightly distracted. Poor Grandma Sue. Speaking of: you're family, not the doctor. If anyone tries asking you invasive questions, report them to HR and shut that shit down. You're going through a tough enough time as a family thank you and you can't keep it all straight. But do familiarize yourself with…

I wake up bleary eyed, and pad over to Reddit. The edible of the night before still working through my system.

Wait what? RIP, my inbox. Apparently I gave some advice to a guy last night who wanted to know how he could work from NYC for an employer who wouldn’t let anyone do it. I’d outlined a whole extraction plan starting with a mystery illness, wanting to spend precious time with a dying woman, how to get photos and how to time what when to maximize your efforts. I even advised him on what to call her for plausible deniability that it was his actual grandma and reminded him to take the minimum bereavement. It was snarky and well, brilliant.

And I’m not even a lawyer. I made a mental note to pick up some more of those edibles and enjoy the inbox-read later, when a notification catches my eye.

Because it’s not a Reddit envelope, this one is from my work email. Which is weird because I didn’t think he had this address.

My open it and my blood runs cold. It’s my ex boyfriend. A man I have barely thought of in 7 or 8 years.

Hey, Pippa…

So, nice work on the Reddit thing last night. I promise I haven’t been stalking you. Just, my dad saw your post and asked if it was you because it sounded familiar.

He says hi, by the way. Anyway, I thought about you and looked you up and well, I’m taking a shot on how your company…

I scan a few paragraphs until I get to Dio’s “So anyway…”. He always TL:Drd with that. Went on for another few paragraphs, but usually started wrapping it up.

So, anyway….my dad and I saw the post where you called me a literal son of a devil and we were thinking we need to chat.

No, you’re not in any trouble. He just wants to know how you knew.