I tried not to look sad as I forced a smile. People pass me, everyday, almost like I am nothing. Like I mean nothing, and like I’m not human. Which at this point I’ll believe.

I push open the doors of the school, the warm air comforting me, after I had been sitting in my history class, feeling like I was in a freezer.

Thousands of kids rush past me, climbing into cars. I can almost picture it.

Me smiling for real, waving happily as my best friend gets in her car. Or his.

At this point I’d be happy to have at least someone who will speak a word to me.

I’m starting to think that it’s a dream meant just for dreaming and not living.

I sit down on a small bench, under a tree. The wind blows the leaves gently making that perfect sound, that could calm me down after anything.

I watch as people pass me, most of them in groups some alone.

I bet it doesn’t feel like how I feel though. Even right now, when I’m surrounded with people, I feel completely alone. At home when I have good laughs and happy moments, they always end with that dreaded feeling of loneliness.

And the reason for it I wish I knew.

I hear a small sigh as someone falls onto the bench next to me.

I look over, getting everything I need to know about him in one look. He has black hair, blue eyes, not pale blue, just blue. It’s reminding me of blueberries. He has a black back pack, like mine. And he looks tired, which means his day could only have been worse than mine. He’s alone, which means he’s like me, without any friends or they’re just gone at the moment. It’s definitely the second one, you’d have to be totally crazy like me to not have friends.

“Bad day?” I ask, his eyes meeting mine.

He nods, “Yeah.”

I nod back my eyes still on his.

“How was yours?” He echos my question.

I shrug, “Pretty much the same as normal. Okay.”

He nods again, “What’s your name?”

Wow, I think. Haven’t heard that for a while. Not since like third grade and I’m in ninth.

“Maya. But it’s spelled Mia.”

His lips do something almost like a smile.

“What’s yours?” I say.

“Damon,” he repiles, his smile growing.

His eyes leave mine for a second, I can follow them without looking. He’s probably looking at his passing friend.

“You know,” he says, his eyes coming back to mine, “It seems crazy that one kid could be surrounded by thousands. And at the same time there’s kids who aren’t.”

This is a first, meeting someone without friends. Like me.

I smile this time for real, “I know. It seems so unfair. I used to have friends. Well one friend. She moved away. In seventh grade. I haven’t made a friend since.”

He smiles even on a topic that’s kind of pathetic. But I understand , meeting someone like us seems impossible. From where I’ve been standing these past few years, everyone has a friend.

“Same, expect he didn’t move. He was hit, three years ago.”

Now my life seems like a breeze, I lost my friend but not like lost, lost. Damon lost, lost his friend. I can’t even imagine what that’s like. Probably awful.

He chuckled quietly, “There’s nothing you can say. And it’s fine.”

I nodded, my eyes probably showing how much I wish there was something to say.

My cat had died. And I counted him as a best friend, but sometimes I feel like I use that as an excuse to make my life seem worse. And the reason for that I don’t have an answer to. But it did hurt when he died, I felt a pain in my heart. A dull feeling. It was the worst pain I’d ever felt. Worse than spraining my ankle.

“It’s been okay,” Damon contained as a kid screamed as he ran past. “The first year was so hard I almost stopped trying. The second I did stop. And now I’m here trying again.”

I’m glad. Is what I wanted to say, but that seemed wrong. So I didn’t say anything. Which was appropriate in this situation. Damon defiantly understood the shock. If anyone did he had to.

“I understand,” I finally said, “All of it. I’ve held lots of things in my hands, and lost them all.”

Damon gave me a small smile his eyes looking over my shoulder again, “Exactly.”

“You have to go,” I said when his eyes followed a black car.

He nodded, “Yeah. But I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Mia.”

He stood up looking over his shoulder as he got in the car.

I waved, letting a smile cover my face. A smile that I couldn’t get to leave. And I knew that was okay, I caught his eyes as he was shutting the door and he couldn’t either.