Officer Jones got the call of a drunk disorderly man disturbing the peace in downtown Metropolis. The purps description was a large man dressed up in a superman costume. This was fairly routine for officer Jones and just another day in the office.

He pulled up to the location where the call took place and sure enough, there was superman. Yet another story to tell his friends at the bars.

Officer Jones stepped out of his vehicle and approached the man waltzing through the middle of the street with a bottle of Jamison in his hand.

“Sir, can you please go on the sidewalk and let’s talk.” He said.

“I am the sidewalk” the man said in a drunken slur.

“Sir move now or I’ll be forced to move you”

“You can’t move me” the drunk man said whiling maniacally grinning.

“Hard way it is” officer Jones said while moving quickly towards the drunk man. He grabbed the mans wrist in attempt to control him. Except when he grabbed it and attempted to twist it, it didn’t move. Officer Jones heart sank. He looked into the mans eyes. The drunk man was gazing into officer Jones eyes with a psychotic smile. He tried to twist his arm again. It was like trying to twist a piece of iron. Not a single budge. The drunk man began to spin in slow circles with arms spread out. Officer Jones was holding onto his wrist and being dragged along with him. This was the real deal. He was attempting to arrest superman.

“Oh you want to dance Officer. Yeah” superman said.

“Sir I’m just doing my job please” officer Jones pleaded.

“Fiiiiiine” superman said while hiccuping. Superman put his arms behind his back. Officer jones quickly put cuffs on him and attempted to move him onto the curb. When Officer Jones pushed him, again, superman wouldn’t budge. It was like trying to push a tree trunk. Officer Jones leaned forward with all his body weight on superman. Superman quickly floated into the sky. Officer Jones fell face first into the street. He looked up at superman floating in the air. Superman gazed down at him with a sympathetic look making a sad face.

“Quit sleeping on the job officer” superman said while landing on the side walk. He got up and walked over to the criminal.

“Had a few drinks huh? Let’s go back to the station and sleep this off. I’m just making sure everyone’s safe” Officer Jones said.

“I need a hug” superman said while beginning to sob. He snapped his handcuffs off and put his arms out and waited to receive a hug. Officer Jones felt nervous about hugging the man knowing in his drunk state he could easily crush him to death. He embraced the Cryptonian. They embraced each other for a minute and he let superman sob on his shoulder. He was lifted off his feet and into the air.

“You wanna fly to Vegas? We can swim in the fountain thing”

“How about you hop in the back of my police car over there and we can go somewhere else?”

“Okay.” Superman said excitedly. He dropped the officer and grabbed his hand and the two approached the police car. Officer Jones opened the back door and guided Superman into the back seat. While entering the backseat, his head smashed into the cruiser and left a dent that was perfectly conformed to his head.

“Oops. Sorry are we still friends?”

“Just get in” Officer Jones insisted. He closed the door and entered into the drivers seat. For the next twenty minutes, the shenanigans began. Superman fell asleep and his head smashed through the window. He tried to open the door and ripped off the door handle. He pried open the metal fencing in the backseat and crawled into the passenger seat while breaking everything he touched. He played with the siren. He broke another door handle. He smashed his head through the window and began to whale like he was a siren. He grabbed the radio and crushed it in his hand. He ripped the shotgun off its holster and asked if he could shoot it. Officer Jones declined.

They arrived at the police station and exited the cruiser. Superman attempted a hood slide over the vehicle and dented it. There was a perfect imprint of Superman’s ass cheeks on the hood. Superman slapped Officer Jones butte and kissed him. He flew away. Another story for the bars.