My knees are quaking, and I think I’m going to collapse. I’m not supposed to be here... I’m supposed to be half a world away, in a completely different body.

But I AM here and I need to do this. I know nothing about philosophy, but I’m gonna tell humanity what I think.

I approach the lectern, and face the masses.

‘You have all come here today to hear me speak to you about the meaning of life.

Well I’m here to tell you that you don’t need me to tell you. You already know.

What you need... is to figure out whether you are approaching it the correct way. Whether you deserve to know.

I’m not about to tell you, if your just going to turn around and go and disrespect someone undeserving. Someone who hasn’t earned the dismissal that you may heap upon them.

The only way you’ll know the meaning of life is if you buck up. And become a decent human being.’

I leave the stage, followed by the sound of silence.

Everyone is starting to realise that that is all I have to say; the noise is building and it’s almost like they haven’t heard any of the words I’ve said.

I may not be a philosopher in my own body, but at the moment I’m occupying the body of a world famous one, which makes me as good as.

They’re becoming violent, with indignation. With the disbelief that my speech could be so short.

I despair for humanity.