I’m sitting at a table with a family that loves me, but how can they love me when they don’t even know me?

I’m an outcast.

I knew it from the moment my mother threw the phone in my face and said live with your dad, knowing I didn’t even have his number memorized in my head. I hadn’t seen him in years since he left when I was small, then mom says she never wanted me at all.

I’m an outcast.

My sisters grew up with my mom I had to leave them behind. I moved a state away so I couldn’t see them all the time. They grew so close they call eachother their best friend. Now I don’t seem to fit it.

I’m an outcast.

My brother lives on the other side of country. He’s from Hawaii and I’m from Kentucky. We don’t have much in common except he’s outcasted too. At least we both know how it feels to have nothing to lose.

We’re an outcast.

Spent many years growing up in a home that wasn’t my home. Always feeling like a burden to the people I was supposed to love most. Always wanting attention from my parents who didn’t give a shit. Learning to survive without it. Feelings of awkwardness and anxiety because it’s hard to converse with others. Building walls that people can’t break through because I’ve become comfortable... being an outcast.

Then one day I got married and started a family. They always show me love and say they couldn’t make it without me. I look in my daughters eyes and I see a reflection of myself. She says I’m the best mommy and she wouldn’t trade me for anyone else. My husband says he’s lucky to have me. He says I’m not like any other woman he’s found, he’s finally happy.

I’m no longer an outcast.