I think my bed is my best friend

my lover

my sanctuary and cell

why can’t I ever get up

I think my sheets hold secrets none that will ever be shared none that will whisper beyond these walls

I need to get up

I think time runs backwards here

days spent feeling better

nights spent knowing it’s worse

_I’m going to die here _

my mother says I need fresh air a fresh start a new day

it’s not to be understood the sinking and the spiraling the pillow filled with stifled screams

maybe if I open the curtains

__

__

The lights are all too bright

the stale air is more comfortable

missed calls are a reminder that time is passing

and I’m still here

__

__ I know I need to get up but at least I’m still here