I think my bed is my best friend

my lover

my sanctuary and cell

_why can’t I ever get up_

I think my sheets hold secrets

none that will ever be shared

none that will whisper beyond these walls

_I need to get up_

I think time runs backwards here

days spent feeling better

nights spent knowing it’s worse

_I’m going to die here _

my mother says I need fresh air

a fresh start

a new day

it’s not to be understood

the sinking and the spiraling

the pillow filled with stifled screams

_maybe if I open the curtains_

__

__

The lights are all too bright

the stale air is more comfortable

missed calls are a reminder that time is passing

_and I’m still here_

__

__

I know I need to get up

but at least I’m still here