who are we when no one’s watching?

i could write a story,

but even the words would betray us—

not the way your name still burns through my skin,

not the way we always sat just out of reach,

as if the world itself knew

we weren’t meant to belong.

but goodness, how we tried,

and still, we couldn’t hide.

they weren’t bad people,

just voices full of reason—

they said, _leave it makes sense_,

and i listened.

not because you were wrong,

but because i was always running from the ache,

too scared to stay, too afraid to break.

it was fear.

and now i know.

but it’s too late,

like it always is—just a cruel twist of fate.

it was the right love

at the wrong time.

you were everything i could never find the words for,

when all i could do was drown in silence,

but who needs words, when emotions roar louder than sound?

you told me everything,

i knew _you_,

but i told you nothing,

and you still kept _me_ through.

i wish i could tell you

that i didn’t mean to disappear—

that i still wait for your name to light up my screen,

that some nights,

i cry until the morning steals my thoughts,

because all i want is to say, “_come back_,”

but i’m the one who left,

and now all i do is wish i didn’t.

why did i listen to voices

that could never understand the—

_letters,_

_the texts,_

_the calls,_

_the touches,_

_the gifts,_

_the laughs,_

_the talks?_

why do i still listen to them?

why did i listen when they _never_ understood _you_, understood _us_?

and still,

i see you every week—

the same room,

the same air between us,

once, we couldn’t keep our eyes apart,

now, i’m left searching for a start.

hoping, aching,

but you don’t look back.

but i overthink—

maybe you do care,

maybe when i’m not looking,

your eyes still find mine somewhere.

maybe you keep the memories,

folded in the quiet of your soul,

maybe you still feel it,

but silence has made us whole.

we don’t speak now.

but you linger,

heavy like a bruise,

soft like a broken whisper,

that echoes in the silence of the news.

i see you in strangers,

in songs that never played the same,

in sunsets that should have been ours,

but now they just carry your name.

i meant it when i said,

“go live your life”—

but i didn’t know

you’d find it without me.

and now i’m lost in strife.

so tell me,

when no one’s watching—

when the masks finally fall—

who are we now?

do you still think of me at all?

because i still find you

in the spaces between breaths,

in the moments no one else can see,

because i still want you,

even when no one’s looking at me.

Note—

I may as well be putting my whole life on this app writing poetry is such a good way to let everything out 😭 #downbad