“Sargent, where is your daily poop check? I haven’t seen it in the list for weeks. Is something wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Sargent, you know I like you, but I need those poop checks, or else I’ll have to punish you.”

“Yes General. I know.”

“So…”

Sargent sadly and begrudgingly pulls out a small piece of paper from his back pocket. He hands it to the General with a sigh.

*sighs*

“No poops sir”

“No poops indeed Sargent. I can’t see a poop for weeks. Sarge, you need to fix this.”

“General sir, I’ve tried! I’ve tried my damned hardest! You do not understand how hard it is to poop!”

“You think I don’t understand, YOU think I don’t understand?!? I understand what it’s like to not poop. I understand damned well.”

“Yeah right.”

“31 days”

“What?”

“31 days is how long I went without… when I was in deployment.”

“Went without, what?”

“WITHOUT POOPS DAMNIT! WITHOUT POOPS! I was ostracized by my squad”

“I’m-I’m so sorry. I never heard of that few.”

“Everyone was worried for me, they had me on the toilet 24/7. Nobody would talk to me until I pooped. And I just couldn’t.”

“How did it happen then? How did it come out?”

“It didn’t, they had to surgically remove my poop. It hurt like hell, but it had to be done.”

General pats Sargent on the back like a strong pal would.

“I just can’t poop sir.”

“Yes. You. Can. I know you can. Because you’re twice the soldier I ever was. And you can poo just like I never could. Get up Sargent.”

Sargent gets up.

“General, I think I have one in me.”

“YEAH YOU DO BOY. YEAH YOU DO!”

Sarge farts.

“YES BOY YES!”

General slaps him on his butt.

“Now go, poop, poop like I never did.”

And he did.

The end.