You were crystal clear like

No clouds in the night sky.

Stars twinkling in the distance.

Our reflection in the lake.

When you told me

That you loved me.

You were opaque like opal

When you told me you

Weren't sure anymore.

You wanted to take a break

Fully aware that we were at risk

Of cracking, of shattering -

That was worth sacrificing for you.

But your conflicting confusing wording

Led me to believe there was hope.

I should let a caged bird fly away

See the world

Experience it all

Wait for it to come back home,

Patiently and faithfully.

You kept me in this in-between,

I had the naive belief

That the sediment would settle

If I did,

You would too.

All the sediment:

The broken promises

Tears dried on my cheeks

Drinks half-drank on the kitchen counter

Hours unslept and floors unswept,

And words I recorded and reworded

In an effort to best remember and reframe you.

All this sediment coated my mind and home.

I thought it would accumulate to enough carbon

To create a diamond under enough pressure

If we put our love together when we came back together

It would be set in our wedding rings

But you never did.

You not coming back became crystal clear eventually,

And the smoke and mirrors eventually faded.

So I blew away the dust

Began the cleanse.

The search.

Instigated and led by me.

Crystal dangling from my neck.

Reflecting the sunshine brightly

In the direction of my future.

My own clear reflection in the water.