I see you lying still and I think

“That’s not you. You’re gone. That thing is not you.”

Just a normal body

Sitting in the bathtub

Maybe this girl’s on her period

Because the water’s red and smells like death.

She can’t be you

Because you were never still.

Always moving, always

You would never lie so still.

I can’t feel anything.

It can’t be you.

It’s not you.

You’re not gone.

But you are.

It’s you the bathtub

And it’s not water.

I sink down beside you

I add tears to the blood that was once yours.

When did you decide the other side of death

Was better than living another day with me?

What did I do to screw you up so bad

What did I do?

My heart lies there with you.

You’ll keep it forever.

The scar it leaves aches with pain

I’m empty

And you’re not there to fill me up.

You’re gone.

Please come back to me

I still need you.

I’ll love you harder

I’ll listen more

I’ll bleed, anything

I’ll do anything to get you back

Just come back

Please save me from myself

Before I die the way you did.

Because you aren’t here to hold me

I’d do anything to get you back in my arms

You’re gone.

Why could I not have seen how much pain you were in?

Is somebody else hiding a pain this big?

Why would they want to stay?

Why should I matter if you left me?

I feel hollow and full of pain at the same time

Why should I dump this pain on anyone else?

It’s only mine.

Please don’t leave me.

I need you to point me up in this world

But you can’t.

You’re gone.

You’re gone.

And you’re never coming back.

And there’s nothing I can do to change that.

I know I was part of what made you do it.

I know I screwed up.

So all I can do is apologize until I see you again.

So I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for not listening.

I’m sorry for being gone when you were breaking.

I’m sorry for telling you to wait.

I’m sorry for not loving you like I should have.

I’m sorry for making you feel alone.

I’m sorry.