I stare at the lump of a human on my couch. A part of me wants to laugh but the other half knows it’s wrong. I pull up a chair and tap my best friends shoulder.

“Hey Juli?”

“Nooooooooo”

“Ok then” I say with a stare at the floor

When Juli burst into my apartment in tears I jumped to the conclusion that her boyfriend broke up with her. The slight problem is that said boyfriend is my cousin, who may or may not be coming over in 5 minutes for a small family reunion.

“Juli, I know you are in a bad place right now but can you please listen to wh-“

“I HATE HIM!”

She starts crying again.

“He has the complete nerve to fight with me! The girl that served him dinner and prepared a whole cake for dessert.”

I stare in silence. But when I see more tears well up in her eyes I put on my therapist face and take her hand.

“I pulled up the movie, I cooked the meal, I baked the cake, I did the chores and walked the dog, all after I spent 9 hours at work, and he fights with me about not doing my part around the house!”

With a sigh I smile and say

“It’s not your fault, he really should be considering what you do, but I have something to tell you.”

She interrupts me again with a shriek and I jump a little at the sound.

“How could he do this! Just decide to storm out of the house! It’s not like a forgot anything important or anything! You know what he is being sketchy! I bet there is another women involved.” She says with a scowl.

Just then the apartment door swings open. My cousin Henry stands at the door. His hair is a mess and he looks worn out.

I hear a short breath behind me as my best friend stands up almost robotically. I prepare myself for the worst as she stomps up the her boyfriend.

She slaps him. Right across the face.

I gasp a little and rush over.

“Ok Juli, um, maybe you two need some space.” I push Juli into my bedroom and slam the door.

“Hello Henry…” I say with a concerned smile.

One side of his face is bright red while the other looks emotionally broken. “Not great” he says as he turns into my kitchen and starts rustling around the cupboards.

“What… happened?”

“Honestly, I have no idea.” My eyes travel to his hand. Buried in a box of Cheerios.

“I barely did anything. I got home from work and decided to help myself to the dinner she made. I forgot to pack a lunch that day so I was starving. She walked in and looked at me funny but started talking and all was normal.”

I nod.

“Then when we were watching a movie my hand was sore. It’s been killing me all day so I grabbed some ice from the freezer. She asked me if I could move the tv stand because she dropped the remote. I said no because my hand was hurting. Next thing I know she is yelling at me saying how unhelpful I am. I was snappy so I told her, can you do anything around this hosue by yourself!”

Like she was summoned Juli bursts out of my bedroom and starts yelling again.

“You are so inconsiderate of my feelings!”

He snaps back

“I could say the same about you!”

“I’m not responsible for how you feel!”

“Well most of the time you are the reason I feel so bad!”

“Enough!” I yell “You both honestly suck at caring for each other! Did you even know it’s your two year anniversary today?!”

They both look awestruck but I’m not surprised, this happened last year.

“The fact that this happened twice is kinda sad but shows the relationship you two have.”

They stare at eachother.

“One of you has to start paying couples therapy to me, because I can’t deal with this unless I’m getting paid.”