I don’t know if I realized I belonged until the meaning of the word had to be reimagined by loss.

We all take something for granted in our lives don’t we?

I always thought my tribe would be here. With me. Until better I shall meet.

How entitled. To think they owed me their time, their ears, their care.

How self righteous to think they’re dreams should be supported only when mine preceded. Wasn’t I always the one that was supposed to leave first?

But now here I am. Left behind.

Stunted and still.

I think it is I who owes you.

You showed me how much I could feel. How overwhelmingly scary but beautiful love can be.

To be loved and accepted and encouraged without any prior obligation? How fucking lucky I am.

Please understand I could never be so unequivocal and fierce towards the world if you hadn’t shown me how to be first.

While I may stand here still and quiet it is not out of anger or desperation.

I am just rooting myself deeper into the soil that built us so we will have a place to come back to.

I stand here in utter admiration and fervor. Grateful for the great portion of my life that I got to see you grow and flourish.

I know soon the world will bow to you and the earth will bend at your will in awe of your strength.

But I also know there will be days when you feel like that same earth is engulfing you. Just know I will always be here to pull the dirt out of your lungs. I promise I will travel miles to do so.

If you have learned anything from me let it be resilience. Stand tall as we have taught one another to do, and know that you are worthy of it all.

For most of my life I didn’t know where I belonged. But I do now.

And that is because of you.