I shove my stuff in my bag. I can hardly see what I’m packing, but it doesn’t matter. My tears finally spill, silently dripping onto my wrinkled clothes.

I won’t be able to say goodbye. I’ll leave them and never see them again.

I glimpse myself in the mirror, red face and all. My cheeks are stained with tears, and my hair is sticking to my face.

_I can’t go like this,_ I realize, and a firm determination seizes me. I wash my face and brush my hair, and I look and feel better. I’m just sorting through the mess that is my bag when the door opens.

“And-just-_what_-do-you-think-_you’re_-doing?!” He says quickly, like it’s all one big word.

Kris walks up next to me. When I don’t answer his question, he grabs the sweater I’m packing out of my hands.

“Hey, give that back!” I try to take it but he keeps it out of my reach.

“Only after you answer my question.” He says.

I look down.

“You know perfectly well what.” I mutter.

He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.

“Kei, you don’t have to do this. We’ll find another way, we’ve always been able to before.”

“You don’t _understand_, Kris. If _I_ don’t do this, if I don’t… don’t _sacrifice myself_, then no one else will and it’ll cost all of our lives.”

“Stop talking like you’ll fail.” He says angrily.

I can hear the hopelessness in his voice. Both he and I know that the only possible way for me to succeed will cost my life, and at this point, surviving would mean failure.

I take the sweater without Kris objecting, and put it in my bag.

“Why you?” He whispers, and I can hear the pain in his voice. “Why not me? Why not anyone else? _Why you?_”

“You know why it has to be me.” I zip my backpack.

I turn to Kris.

“Well, I guess this means good-“

I’m startled as hugs me. Kris never hugs _anyone_.

“Kei?”

“Yes?”

He whispers in my ear, and I nod, and then walk out the door.

As I run, dodging flaming arrows and flying spears, somehow a tiny flower of hope has sprouted inside me.

I replay his last words to me over and over again.

_Be careful out there. _

-note

hi😭 i wanted to post this yesterday, but long story short i accidentally violated the community guidelines and got banned from posting publicly for a day :D