It was a beautiful night, the music and watching the sunrise come over the mountains as the small hours gave way to early morning.

That walk home, and then making love while the sea air blew through the open courtyard into our room. It was all so wonderful.

And now everything is awful and empty. The day after ecstasy, all I can do is wait for my neurochemicals to top themselves back up, because the MDMA and alcohol have drained them, me completely. Pushing all possible pleasure into a few unforgettable hours.

And for what? I don’t know if this pain and emptiness is worth it, but it must be, because I’ll do it all again tomorrow once

Everything is replenished.

For now I just have to wait it out, and this is what it’s like. I tried to read a book, and without the dopamine and serotonin there’s no way for me to empathise with the characters. I just see words existing there across a page.

Weightless descriptions without meaning.

Well, without meaning for me as I have no feelings left. I am literally empty. Surviving, hanging on through nausea and a unique kind of loneliness.

Though we cuddled all morning so that helped. To touch and smell someone you love does take the edge off of even the worst hangover, but we will probably have an argument or two before the empathy chemicals top themselves back up.

I feel like total shit, but last night was probably one of the best nights of my life.

There is no joy without pain. I always think this on a hungover morning and yet it never really helps.

Cheers to us all.