My heart that was once filled with love,
Is now empty with loss.
A smile that once brought a smile to my own lips,
Now brings tears to my eyes at its loss.
A voice that once soothed me,
Now makes my own voice crack at its loss.
A laugh that once made the rest of the world melt away,
Now makes the world swallow me up at its loss.
My heart that was once filled with love,
Is now empty with loss.
Nice, Natalie! I liked your take on this Ghazal. I really like the contrasts you had running through the entire piece: a full heart, and an empty heart. A face with a smile, a face with tears. The world melting away vs being swallowed up by it. They’re a really effective way to convey the wide breadth of emotions.
I can’t really think of any constructive criticism to add, to be honest. I would have liked you to explore the image in the third stanza. Perhaps the image could have remained consistent and described the other person’s voice in both lines (rather than compare it with your own voice). That’s only a really tiny thing, though, and for me was more of a stylistic suggestion than a need for you to improve.
Keep writing :)
