This was DARK. In a more violent Wednesday Adams way of course 😌💅 The ending is what really makes the piece pop off, it’s a great and thought provoking twist! I really like your style of writing, how the pacing of well thought out (and if it wasn’t intentional then your subconscious pacer is an A+)!
If you’re looking for feedback on ways to improve the piece, I think if you found a way to take the short sentences and blend them together into more complex ones it would help a little with flow, making the piece more legato versus secado. Also if you could find a way to space out repeating words a little farther I think it would have the same positive effect! These things aren’t necessary, as I think the piece it already great as it is, but they might make it better!
Overall, great piece! 10/10