“I thought the letter was a hoax or a prank, I’m gonna be honest. But it most certainly wasn’t. Charon the ferryman himself appeared in my bloody living room and we descended through the new floor like it was water.”

“Yeah?”

“So, naturally, I said to the guy, ‘That’s not gonna stay like that forever, yeah? I mean, that’s gonna be… a floor again, right? Mate?’”

“Yeah.”

“He wouldn’t say anything to me, can you believe that?”

“No.”

“Well, I don’t care if you don’t believe anything I say, I guess. But it’s all true and if you don’t believe me, that’s your problem not mine.”

“What d’you mean I’ve got a problem?”

“What? No. I don’t mean you have a problem. I just… just let me tell the story.”

“Right.”

“Anyway, I said that to the guy, right? And then eventually we got down the the underworld. Ooo spooky, yeah?”

“Stop with those ridiculous noises.”

“No.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Anyway, we get to the underworld and Hades is all like, ‘yo, bruv—‘“

“He didn’t!”

“Yeah, he did! He did! And I said, ‘Yeah? What’s all this, bruv?’”

“Nah.”

“And Hades said to me, ‘I want you to be my second in command, bro.’”

“He didn’t! You’re a liar!”

“Yes, he did! I’m telling you! So I said, ‘Whoa.’ Right? Naturally. And then I said, ‘I would love to.’ And so then he took my hand, right, and taught me our secret handshake.”

“What’s the handshake?”

“I can’t show you, then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. Are you insane?”

“I don’t think I’m the insane one, mate.”

“Well…Anyway, I think I’m gonna tell that pretty girl over there my story.”