I had birthed a stranger. Every sensation felt like too much as I waited to see my son, who had just killed a man. The distant rattle of the officers’ equipment permeated my ears and my eyes shot up to see them escorting their captive, a small boy who only needed a single hand to restrain. I left my chair in a haste and forgot to bring my purse, running to take him from the officers as if that would also take him from the criminal justice system. My arms surrounded his small and harmless figure, he made no effort to return the embrace. I was taken in for questioning by the investigators who made their suspicions very clear: that I made him do it. The sky reached twilight by the time we had left the building and I couldn’t organize my raging thoughts and worries about what will happen to my baby boy. My hand didn’t leave his as we continued down the parking lot. How does a mother approach this? It was hard enough with Greg gone, leaving me as the sole provider for Norman. I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding and I felt Norman tug at my hand. My eyes fell to him and caught his gaze, a glimmer appeared in them that almost made my own swell. I sniffled and spoke in the same tone I knew how, as his mother. “It’s alright Norman, you didn’t know what you were doing. I’m sure those men know the sa-“

“I knew what I was doing.” I didn’t know what I just heard, my ears felt like they were ringing, hearing only what they didn’t want to hear.

“N-Norman, you don’t know what this means. W-what reason could you have for doing such a thing?”

“They killed dad.” An image of Greg flashed in my head when he said that, and then the state I found him in coming home from picking Norman from school. I couldn’t erase what Norman saw that day, everyday I wish I could’ve. I knelt down slightly below him and took his arms, letting myself look up into his gaze.

“Norm, you don’t know that.” I tried making my tone serious, like I was telling him to pick up his toys. “What did those men tell you?” His eyes remained the same, my worry growing.

“Nothing I already knew.” He brought his hand up to meet my cheek, a smile tugging at his lips. “Mom. I’m fine, you’re fine, and now dad’s fine.” My mind rapidly tried connecting what he was saying to what he usually does: what time’s dinner, can I get this, or what does this mean. Nothing matched, those eyes were the same, but his words shook me down to my core. I didn’t see Norman, the boy I raised and tried nurturing. I saw his father. The man who was put into my life by nothing short of a miracle. He promised that those men he associated with wouldn’t harm us, but I guess he was only talking about me and Norman. Tears welled up in my eyes and I held Norman tight. No. I wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t going to leave my sight and become his father. Though loving, he was a man who was burdened by his own intellect. Always looking for a way to bring us closer to safety, even if it meant he would be the beacon drawing the enemies closer to him. Norman will be different. If he’s anything like this father, I know I’ll never understand how he thinks, but that means he may never understand how I think. And that’ll be my weapon. I need to instill humanity in his heart, I know now more than ever.