I slammed the door harder than I meant to.

"Gods," I growled, pacing around the room like a storm trapped. "You're impossible."

"Oh, I'm impossible?" Cassandra shot back where she stood by the window, arms crossed, face flushed with irritation. "You're the one who just shuts down the moment things get difficult!"

"I do not—”

“You do!” she snapped. “You push me away and pretend like everything’s fine just because you’re scared of feeling anything!”

I stopped pacing. Turned to her. “You think I’m scared of feelings?”

“I think you’re scared of me,” she said, quieter now, but every word hit like a punch. “You’re scared of what this is.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. My throat felt like it was full of glass.

"I'm not scared of you," I said at last, voice rough. "I'm scared of loving you."

Her breath stalled. That was the first crack. I read it in her eyes.

"You think this is easy for me?" I went on, speaking rapidly, hurtful words flashing out like fast-flying arrows that I was powerless to release. "Would you know what they'd tell me if they knew? What my parents would tell me if they ever found out. The next Queen of Viyanthara in love with another princess?"

"I'm not calling on you to bellow it from the bastions, Aelia," she said, walking towards her, her voice quivering. "I'm begging you not to treat me as a dirty little secret."

My chest caved in. "You're not. You're not. I swear—gods, Cass, I think of you all the time. When I'm meant to be training. When I'm meant to be sleeping. When I'm sitting on that confounded throne at court hearings, and all I can consider is ‘what would Cassie do if she were here?’"

She blinked at me, her eyes wide with surprise.

"I don't know how to do this," I admitted, softer now. "But I want to try. With you."

The quiet was overwhelming in the room.

Then she let out a shaky breath and looked at me like I was the only girl in the whole world.

"You're an idiot," she said.

"I know," I whispered.

"I hate you," she said, her body advancing.

"I know that too."

She was standing right in front of me again now, close enough to be kissed, but not touching me whatsoever. Her hand shook at her side as she seemed to want to reach out and take mine but didn't have the courage.

Then she spoke.

"I would burn kingdoms for you."

I blinked. My knees actually weakened.

"I'd burn mine too," I said. "Even if we both turned to ash."

And when she kissed me, it wasn't soft. It was furious. Unruly. Afraid. Like we were drowning and thought, “hell, we might as well go down together."

And gods, it was lovely.