She stood with her hands up
While the gun kissed her forehead
The holder whispered anger
She stares at him
Like a cat stares at a mouse
The mouse can try and outrun the cat
But the cat is trapped if the mouse is pulling the trigger
Karma baring his teeth
Karma showing his claws
You reap what you sow
That was the only lesson she ever needed to learn.
Great work. Make sure you keep the same verb tense throughout. You went back and forth between past and present. I think present tense really makes this feel immediate and more dramatic! “She stares at him - like a cat stares at a mouse.”
The cat and mouse metaphor had a really interesting twist to it, I like how you’ve used short sentences to build tension, this is only small but full stops would have forces your readers breathing to quicken making even more tension.
