As a woman I was always faced with the burden of a million things; often contradictions of each other

I was told to be confident, because that was what men found attractive but humble as not to bruise a man’s ego.

I was told to be pretty, because that’s where my worth lied, but not to care too much about my appearance as that made me self absorbed, and men did not like women who weren’t giving.

I was told to be smart because men didn’t like there women dumb, but I couldn’t outshine men with my intelligence because my place as a women was inferior.

So I did as I was conditioned. I was coy and shyly self assured. I kept my appearance effortless but desired.

The only struggle I suffered was my intellect. As a child i was commemorated for my brain, but as I developed and blossomed it turned to contempt, as I instead turned to an enemy, something feared with disgust.

So again I learned the game and hid my astute. I played the dumb to benefit, and did what I had to.

I was told I was the smartest kind of stupid, as if it was a badge of honour to be the kind of woman a man loved.