“One breath at a time.” The most annoying advice my therapist gave me for when I feel myself losing control. What am I gonna do? Take two breaths? Three? No shit I take one breath at a time. I get it, I get it, its meant to relax me, take me away from whatevers bothering me, put me in a better state. But he also told me about justified anger. When something is crossing your boundaries, my “reasonable non-negotiables” he calls them.

Sure, I’m prone to some bouts of anger, but this guy next to me, this fucking guy… he’s pushing all my buttons. I try my best to hold onto my reasonable non-negotiables. My therapist says my definition of reasonable is far beyond what a good baseline for reasonable should be, so I have to really think about whether my definition at every moment is correct. But this FUCKING guy next to me, he just licked my goddamn hand.

I’m almost mad I’m so damn reasonable these days. If this happened a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to throw this mongrel out the emergency exit. Imagining this guy flailing outside my window seats gives me a small sense of peace, but he keeps pushing my buttons. My therapist says I need to remove myself from the situation if I’m in any danger of losing it, but of course, I’m pushed in the one place I can’t remove myself from. OF COURSE. So I moved my hand from the arm rest, maybe now he’ll get the message: I’M NOT SOMEONE WHO YOU PLAY WITH. But no, NOPE, no. This sick puppy is relentless, as I was sitting there arms crossed, faced turned away, this fucking dog started sniffing me right in my ear.