“You know what?”

The voice startled Grace and tore her from her mundane thoughts of how to get that mustard stain out of her sons new shirt. Clearing her throat and adjusting her notebook on her lap, she put on her game face and locked eyes with the man before her.

“What, James?” Grace felt herself internally cringe at the false sweetness she infused in her voice.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before!” James shook his head and let out a slight chortle as he spoke. Grace knew that she should take a moment, regroup and try and pretend the comment didn’t shake her slightly. Her years working as a therapist had given her the skills to act as if nothing rattled her or caught her off guard yet her defences seemed to be under construction at the moment.

“You should be grateful for that.” Grace immediately scolded herself for talking first and thinking second.

In reality, she had stopped listening to what James was saying 20 minutes ago. It seemed to be something along the lines of wanting a girlfriend but not being able to get a girl to call him back, or something silly like that.

Her ability to feign interest in what her clients confided in her seemed to have disolved over time. In reality, she just didn’t care.

What had happened to her life? Was this really all she was meant to do? Sit with people for an hour and listen to them go on and on about their ridiculous issues that they don’t even want to fix but are being told they have to. Is this what she was to spend the next 40 years doing?

“Sorry James, that was a bit innapropriate of me. I’m feeling a bit under the weather do you mind if we end our session early?” Slamming her notebook on the table she stood up, adjusted her skirt and hoped that he would get the idea and leave without putting up a fight.

“Oh…” he stammered. “Are you sure? Maybe I can stay and get you some water?”

“No thanks, I just need to go home and get to bed.” The fake smile plastered on her face made her cheeks ache. Motioning for him to walk through the door she so kindly held open for him, Grace tapped her foot impatiently as he shuffled through before slamming the door behind him. In quick strides she rounded her desk and flung open the bottom drawer of her filing cabinet.

God, where is it. She thought as she shuffled through the scraps of paper, odd paper clip and for some reason, a lacy pair of green underwear… interesting.

“Finally!” Grace celebrated a bit louder than anticipated as she pulled out the poorly rolled bit of paper and a lighter. Flopping down on her office chair she leant back as she brought the cigarette to her nose and inhaled deeply. It had been so long since the had smelt that familiar earthy scent and thankfully she had confiscated this joint from a teenage client who had decided mid session they no longer wanted to smoke weed. It didn’t last, but at least it meant she got paid for more sessions.

Bringing the joint to her lips she heard the soft rustle as she clamped down on it. Feeling the paper moisten and stick to her, she brought the lighter to the tip and took a drag as the flames flickered over the end. The smoke flooded through her chest as she closed her eyes and gave her a familiar sense of warmth and the need to cough. Fighting that urge she exhaled slowly and opened her eyes, scanning her office. On the walls were her multiple expensive bits of paper. The debts associated with them was enough to make you gag but in this moment she just chuckled. Waste of time, she thought.

Taking another drag she wished she had a drink to wash it down but instead settled on the now cold cup of coffee on her desk.

When did this happen to her?

When did her life stop being about the next adventure and instead being about the mundane problems of every day life?

When was the last time she skinny dipped with a stranger? Or fell in love on the dance floor? It felt like things had changed overnight and she was now just someone’s mother who listens to people complain all day.

Is this a midlife crisis? If so, time to buy a sports car and hook up with someone half her age.