“I just don’t see you and me working, B. I love her.” His eyes that were once soft like a cozy blanket now held the roughness of jagged rocks. The same lips that I used to kiss senselessly were now the same ones being used to spit out words that gripped my heart like a vice and squeezed until the red turned blue.

Damn him for doing this in a brightly lit eclectic cafe. The colorful polka dotted wallpaper seemed to laugh in my face with its pastel pinks, and vibrant orange hues, while deep down inside I felt ebony. I nod my head in a pitiful attempt to make him realize I am not suffering with the news that the girl he cheated on me with, he now loves.

How can I be so stupid?

I will away the sting of the tears that are trying to force themselves out of my eyes. I stare past him, choosing to focus on the fluffy snowflakes that cover the New York City sidewalks and pile onto street lamps. Outside, couples walk hand in hand with to-go coffee cups and beanies on, puffy jackets and smiles stretched cheek to cheek on their cold bitten faces. The colored lights of the christmas tree that stands tall and confidently in the corner of the cafe grabs my attention as I sink further down into this uncomfortable white wooden seat.

“I get it Mi-“ my shaky voice cuts out as a strangled sob tries to crawl its way up my throat. His name carries too much hurt for me to haul out in the space in front of us. It serves to remind me of who I thought he was, rather than who he actually is which is quite frankly just a liar.

If he’s a liar then I am a liar too due to the fact that instead of giving into the treacherous emotions trying to erupt out of me like an overdue volcano, I plaster on a smile when the couple seated next to us looks over.

Act happy Bea you got this.

“I want you to be with her if it makes you happy. Life is too short to not be with the one you love and I know it’s hard to find. I just wish you didn’t waste the time I had that I could have better spent searching it out. Although, our relationship didn’t stop you from doing that.” I need to get out of here before my tears mimic the snowflake that has now melted against the glass window in front of me, and trickle down my face. “I’m not mad, however I do have to get back to work.” I slap down a ten dollar bill to pay for both our lattes.

I grab my oversized purse and swing the door open to meet the bitter cold that slaps at my face. My shoulders feel heavy, and my legs lag with each step I trudge across the street through the snow. I make it only so far before my emotions finally lower me down against a brick wall on the cold cobblestone ground, and I break.

Sobs crawl out of me, tears pour down my face, and through my water-coated eyelashes, and through the brightly lit, holiday decorated, eclectic cafe window do I see that a beach blonde girl has taken my uncomfortable chair across from him.

The wind blows my rich brown hair across my face and sticks to my lipgloss, but I dont pull it away, I’d rather just hide for now.