STORY STARTER
Submitted by Emotional Goblin.
A simple game of hide and seek becomes much more horrific when a kidnapper joins the game.
How will your characters uncover what's happening, and face the situation?
STORY STARTER
Submitted by Emotional Goblin.
A simple game of hide and seek becomes much more horrific when a kidnapper joins the game.
How will your characters uncover what's happening, and face the situation?
Hi there! Here are a couple of pros I personally have with this story.
First off, the suspense. The opening paragraphs and the count to 5 were very well-crafted. I was about to get chills down my spine. Also, I thought your definitions of the sinister voice and the bang were quite descriptive. I like the details.
However, a couple of things I believe could use some improvement are the length and the tense. Personally, in cases like this, I feel like a story should be told in the present tense, instead of the past tense; it gives the reader a chance to experience the excitement of living the events of a story in real-time, rather than just read what had already happened. But then again, my taste in tenses kind of go back and forth sometimes.
Also, the length, I feel like could’ve been a little longer. Perhaps, before the ending, you could establish the fact that there are other people in the playground and that the kid’s father might have been knocked out by the potential kidnapper before he goes after the kid.
Overall, I think this a pretty good story! Nothing too complex and I was engaged the whole time. Keep it up and happy writing!