A boy named Jimmy had a crazy distant uncle. This uncle would only show up around Christmas, always trying to amaze with great gifts. Each year, the gifts would just get more and more amazing. By the time Jimmy was seven, he was given the deed to a decommissioned world war 2 battleship. Everyone thought it was a joke until Jimmy’s uncle showed them the Polaroids and handed him a set of keys.

Now on the cusp of Christmas in his eighth year, Jimmy really wanted a pet. To his parents horror, he did not want a cat, or a dog, or even a bunny. He wanted a lizard. They had spent most of the fall trying to talk Jimmy out of it, but alas, he was dead-set on a lizard for a pet.

Enter Jimmy’s uncle.

“They call it a Green Anaconda!” Uncle claimed with a devious grin as they let the snake climb all over Jimmy. “Don’t worry, it wont bite, its a constrictor!”

“Jimmy! Get away from it!“ Jimmy’s mom warned. “It eats children! What were you thinking!?”

It was in that moment that the anaconda, dubbed ‘Ralf’ from Jimmy, claimed its first victim. It was Jimmy’s uncle. It had wrapped itself around his legs and already began a death grip. The snake ate him right there. Before the snake could be caught by animal control, however it had escaped.

The anaconda lived in the woods, sneaking into town to eat people as it pleased. People went missing but the snake hid itself so no one would find it and kill it. So it continued to grow. It grew until it could not squeeze through sewer pipes. At this point it had gotten longer with a larger appetite, sometimes eating up to fifteen full grown adults a day.

With no restrictions, it continued to grow and grow. Once people were made aware of the mighty serpent, not even explosives could defeat it. It continued to grow and eat until it started to wrap itself around the entire planet.

When Ralf finally stopped growing, there was no planet left. Just a massive ball of itself twisted up.