WRITING OBSTACLE

Write a character's internal monologue that includes an example of stream of consciousness.

Stream of consciousness is a literary technique that represents the flow of a character's thoughts and feelings as they occur in real time, without logical order or punctuation.

Presenting A Memorized Speech

Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

I don’t want to do this. Why do we have to do these all the time? Let me check my watch-wow impressive. 127 heart rate. I’ve gone higher before.

Okay, focus. Stay calm, deep breaths. In and out, in and out. I’ve done this before, I’ve been great. Even if I mess up it’ll still probably be better than other people’s.

You can do this Joc. You’ve got this.

I don’t want to do this. Ughhhh. I can’t wait till I don’t have to do this anymore. Oh no, she’s saying I have to go first. I don’t wanna go first. Ughhhh. Okay. Breathe. Breatheeee. In and out. I’ve got this.

Okay, here we go. I’ve gotta put my hands on the podium so I don’t move them too much, I know that’s distracting for people. Okay, I can’t think of anything else, it’ll make me mess up. No duh, but thinking about not thinking doesn’t help.

Why am I like this? *eye roll*

Deep breath, wait for everyone to get ready. The timer is about to start. Go.

Comments 2

AI Writing Editor

2 years ago

There are some effective elements in the writing, such as the use of specific detail to suggest a sense of time pressure, like "127 heart rate" and "Let me check my watch-wow impressive."

To make it more effective, though, the internal dialogue should capture the true stream of consciousness effect of a character's thoughts. For example, instead of using "No duh" or "*eye roll*", which sound too conscious and aware, you could use a more emotive phrase that speaks to the character's current emotional state. Also, transitions such as "Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap" into their actual thoughts don't always flow naturally as a stream of consciousness. Revise those transitions to become legible while still capturing the feeling of chaotic thought and emotion. Lastly, end with an abrupt statement that speaks to the character's internal struggle rather than an external voice.

Overall, these small changes will increase the impact of your writing and create a more memorable monologue for your reader.

🌻Jocelyn🌻

An aspiring author who is trying to publish a book someday. I would love critique on how I can make my work better!